Update (Sticky Post)

And this time, it is from me...


Head over to Adlergedanke (my main blog), for an announcement you might like. (And no, I am not going to stop blogging, neither am I going to stop blogging about Harry Potter).

Update: Given the difficulties of maintaining three blogs, and contributing to some more, this blog will no longer be updated. The major series, and other random thoughts will continue on Adlergedanke (unfortunately, Blogger doesn't have a "import" function). So please update your bookmarks.

Of course, all the comments will always be answered.


See below for past programming...

Update

though this time, it is not from me...


How many of you were not completely satisfied with the epilogue? (No need to answer if you don't know what Harry Potter is, and remember I said "what") Although it gave us the information about who lives, who dies (of the main characters), it didn't exactly show us what happened in the previous 19 years.

But there's a good news. In a July 29 interview, JKR gave us a bit more of the details, and I am hoping more interviews will follow. Meanwhile, here are the details:


Need I tell you there's big, red, flashing "SPOILER ALERT" here?

• ...Harry and Ron lead the way in recreating the new Auror Department. And by the time-- 19 years later -- I would imagine that Harry is heading up that department...


• And Hermione … I think she's now pretty high up in the Department for Magical Law Enforcement.

Read full interview here. And here's to hoping that soon there will be an encyclopaedia as she hinted at, even before.

Deja Boo(k)

Has it ever happened to you that you start reading a book, and with each line you feel like you have read this earlier?

Yes, it happened to me yesterday.


And since I knew that the book didn't start with content copied from any other book, I was faced with only 2 choices:

1. I have started forgetting the books I have read already (as I could not remember the name of the book with similar content I had read earlier). Looks like Carl Sagan is right.


2. Ergo, I have started getting old (and here I am, still single).

Luckily, before I fried my brain worrying about this, I realised that I was reading the book again, and I hadn't gone past the prologue last time (which should give you the idea why I promptly forgot about the book).

I am so happy to be still young.

Fount of Knowledge Part VII

a.k.a. Politics is...


Something I read yesterday made me realise the true meaning of the word "political":

Asking somebody something politically (or, being political) means asking the person a question exactly opposite in meaning than what you want to ask.


I mean, if you want to ask somebody about age (or rather, old age), you would ask/mention how young that person looks. Mentioning that somebody is lying through his/her teeth would take the 'hopeful' form, "That can't be right, can it?" Now that I mentioned it, I think you can now think of more such instances, right? (And that's not a political question, so feel free to answer it).

Now that I have seen the light, I know why ignorant people are disappointed when the political promises (especially those made on the eve of election) are never fulfilled.



P.S. When I ask you to comment on my blogs, that is also not "political" request, it is real.

Do Not Disturb!!!

As I sit here in a comfortable leather recliner, with a copy of Deathly Hallows in my hand, I can make you only 1 promise: the recliner is going to be my home for next 10 hours The review will be up tomorrow...

As much as I want to go straight to the Epilogue, I am not going to do it, because it is plain cheating. And since writing this post is keeping me from reading the book, See you Later!!!

P.S. The "Half-Blood Prince" review is up. The post will be reviewed and improved tomorrow.

I Thought So...

Really, I did...

I mean, I want to be Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, or maybe Sirius Black. Second choice would be male version of Tonks or book-Flitwick (any person who appreciates the Weasley's Portable Swamp is worthy of respect).

But wishes apart, I know I like my books too much to be anything other than:


Find out your Harry Potter personality at LiquidGeneration!


Except the "girl" part of it, the description fits me to the t (I am taking the "ion" part matches the "girl" part of it).

P.S. If you are still obsessing about the "girl" part, The Gender Genie would politely disagree with you.

I Went, I Saw, Me Likeee....

While the countdown timer at the top of this blog was at 00 days, 06 hrs downwards, I was in a theatre standing in a really long line waiting to get my popcorns and drink.

But wait, that's not what this post is about... The reason I was in the multiplex was that I had got a seat in fourth row from the front.

OK, I am going to get this straight this time. The movie I watched is "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix".


Well, the full review will be up tomorrow. But, initial comments:

• I liked it. Most of the time.


• As you all know, they have changed the story a bit, which might make a die-hard fan squirm in his seat once in a while. But then, how else can you fit the gigantic book in a 138 min long movie?


• Dumbledore continues his GoF streak. Most of the time.

More about it, tomorrow...

Till then, if you don't know who is Harry Potter (seriously?) or you love Harry Potter (now, that's more like it), read this. And seriously, there's no third type there.

Update: The review is now up here.


Technorati Tags: harry potter, movie, order of the phoenix, phoenix

Bollywood Bites XIII

a.k.a. Not just bites, it hurts...


OK people, as you know, I promised, and tried to keep my promise (but I failed). Now Bollywood has pushed me over the edge...

Remember the so-called "Wedding of The Century"? The event where media bombarded us with the weirdest and most unimportant "news" and "specials"? Where the event occupied so much of the screen time that anything else was drowned out?


If all the spotlight (and unnecessary information) was not enough, in true tradition of Bollywood (read: rare movies based on original subjects), the "event" has inspired a movie, which has pushed me to break my promise, yet again.

The only reason I could watch the movie would be if the originals play their screen characters. I am steering light-years away from any theatre showing the movie with the imitations... I dare to ask what information/storyline/events which we don't already know will make the movie interesting.


And this is a week where Bollywood not just bites me, it irks me no end... I guess putting the word "Gandhigiri" on notice was not enough. I am now starting a worldwide protest to ban the word altogether. And I am sure to get the followers in all the people who have watched/known about the great play known as "Gandhi vs. Gandhi" and the great actors who starred in it.


P.S. Find more Bollywood Bites here...


Technorati Tags: bollywood, bachchan, movie, gandhigiri, gandhi

Bollywood Bites XII

a.k.a. Sab kuch ulta-pulta...


I wasn't sure, but Himesh Reshmmiya admitting (at least twice that I know of) publicly that he sings through his nose was a kind of an indication of things to come. It seems everything Bollywood (and Bollywood fans/observers) assumed to be constant is turning on its head. In short, Bollywood is turning on its collective head.


If you don't believe me, tell me it is not the same Emraan Hashmi who not less than 6 weeks gave us bites like "being a skirt-chaser is normal" and is now saying that he is "really sick of kind of roles" he was doing. An epiphany in so short a time? Meanwhile, do tell me why we should not call him Emesh Heshmmia given his new "looks". I mean, he is just a cap away from starting to sing through his nose...

And I would have thought that a car going by the name of daughter of the designer of engines should have a feminine voice, right? Or is it that Amitabh can do female voices, too?




Technorati Tags: bollywood, himesh reshmmiya, emraan hashmi, amitabh bachchan

Hollywood Hints

a.k.a. Hollywood Version of "Bollywood Bites"...


All of you know well enough that I am really looking forward to "Order of Phoenix", and I am planning to watch it as soon as I can. But I can very well say that while I agree with the tone of this article, the headline is something I am not so crazy about.

Also, 30 retakes for a simple shot? And they call themselves actors? Well, I guess what they say is true... As long as you are enjoying it...

And come to think of it, if 1 kiss ~ 30 retakes, imagine about our own Kissing Man who maintains that he has way more than 20? Talk about crossing half thousand mark...

Hogwarts, Here I Come...

Well, I am not bragging here, nor am I trying to gain looks of admiration and pats on my back from you (got the hint?)..

Anyways, I won't sing my own praises, but let the certificate talk for itself...




And now, let's see how I did on WOMBAT Grade 2, shall we?



So, I improve my grades, I passed both WOMBATs easily and that's an O baby...

Any suggestions which job I should apply for at Hogwarts?

Bollywood Bites XI

a.k.a. Why "Partner"?





If you head over to Adlergedanke, the "This Week in History" column lists a not-exactly-a-review of the movie "Hitch" for this week in 2005. So, I was not a bit surprised to see that David Dhawan is "inspired" by the Will Smith-starrer I liked.





Now, I have got nothing against inspiration, unless it is shoddy and is used as a substitute for original thought. What I mean to say is that, if there are enough "original" moments in "inspired" movies to mark them as good ones, I will watch them (e.g. "Awara Pagal Deewana" is not so bad). But, I do have some questions/comments about the movie:

• Given the story lines of the movie, why would Indiatimes put a "question mark" at the end of title? Is this another in the growing cases of abuse of the "question mark"? (For those wondering what I mean, google for "Jon Stewart comments on question mark" and watch the video)



• The jury is still out on what will be more entertaining: Watching Govinda give "date advise" to his clients or watching him try and do the "pizza dance" as an rank rookie.



• Which is why I think they must have gone for matching sizes while casting.



• However I hate people lifting scenes directly out of Hollywood originals, I fervently hope they retain "Pizza dance", or at least make it into something similar. ("Paratha dance" anyone?)



• At the same time, I am prettty sure even David Dhawan is not brave enough to retain the famous "kissing training scene".



• Or is that why the film is named "Partner"? Do they mean "that" partner? Now, that would be an original twist in the tale...

Whatever happens, I am ready to reserve my judgement till I see the movie, given the original and the people involved in the "inpired" desi version.





Technorati Tags: bollywood, david dhawan, hitch, govinda

Bollywood Bites X

a.k.a. "Whoa" indeed...

If my eyes are not deceiving me (and I don't have a reason to believe they are), there's only one conclusion to be drawn from this: Not content with attacking our eardrums, The Nose is out to annihilate the English language now.

What else can explain the title (I hope that's how it's spelled even now) of his Moviee (believe me, that's not misspelled)?


At first glance, I think the title is wrecking havoc among the english vowels. I frankly believe the vowels were out there playing hide-and-seek when the movie title was chosen. Or maybe, they were trying to hide from his singing when they were caught and thrown mercilessly on the poster. Or maybe, the other alphabets have risen against "e" for being the most common alphabet.

Maybe it is time to launch a worldwide drive to save the vowels and get them their rightful places among words. Society for Promotion of Vowelish Welfare anyone?

In any case, the title along with the pictures make me believe that The Nose is out to fight the English language in a ye olde Bajaj auto. Beware Bond, and don't forget to stock up on your earplugs (noise-cancelling earphones would work too).

P.S. Click here for rest of "Bollywood Bites" series.

Technorati Tags: bollywood, himesh reshammia, movies, hindi

Holmes, I Ain't...

... but then, I don't need to be...





OK guys, work with me here, and tell me if I am jumping at conclusions here.



Imagine the scene... You are helping some people who are moving, and your job includes (and is limited to) making sure the boxes are being piled correctly in the truck. Which means you have a lot of time on your hands to roam around in the colony. So... well, you roam around looking at all these garage doors.



And then, you notice that one of the garage doors has a keypad lock. Before you can say MI (or any other sci-fi movie name for that matter), you notice it is not exactly the best of protection.





For one thing, you notice the digits 2, 4 and 5 have been erased beyond recognition (of course, with what I can only assume to be the "Enter" key), while all other keys are... there's no way of putting it delicately, in pristine condition.



And before you can say 6 tries max (yes, 3 digits can have only that much combinations) before you hit the jackpot, you notice that you are standing in front of building with apartment number XX238-XX252.



Now, I think you get what I mean when I say that you don't need to be Holmes to crack this one...

Fount of Knowledge Part VI.V

a.k.a. From A Kid's Mouth



We all have heard the phrase, "Laugh and the world laughs with you".



I found out recently that kids have their own version of this:

"You are not being polite. You didn't laugh when I laughed just now."

Fount of Knowledge Part VI

a.k.a. The Observations from a Cross-country Flight and A Hiking Trip


For all people wondering where I have been for last few days, I flew across the country all the way to West Coast on Thursday, and then we went on a hiking trip to Yosemite National Park over the weekend. Two days of living in a canvas cabin, no electricity, heating by wood-burners, all food stored in lockers to keep away the bears, two phones out of six with any reception kind of trip. I mean, complete au naturale.

But apart from a lot of fun, the last few days also taught me a few things:

• You know you've been connected too much to iPod when you start fiddling with your iPod remote because you can't hear anything on the airport terminal TV.


• You know you are not getting anything to eat on the flight when you see the pilot carrying a packet of sandwiches with him.


• It's not co-incidence that hungry and angry rhyme. Especially for kids.


• Wood-burners are pain. Making fire in them is even more pain. Sometimes, being cold is not that bad.

So, till the time I settle back, here's a sample of what we have been doing:



There's some 200 more where these came from...

Hallows = Relics

Given that "Hallows" is not easily translated, and that Harry Potter books are translated into many languages, there's a good news for us. We now know (or at least I think) that Hallows are things, not place/places.


Since "Deathly Hallows" cannot be easily tranlated in Swedish, JKR and publishers have gives us the alternate title, "Harry Potter and the Relics of Death". So, not we know that Hallows are "relics", which means they are things, not places as we assumed.

Now, don't blame me if my dreams contain the trio tagging along with Prof. Sydney Fox and Nigel on a relic hunt. (Yes, I have been watching "Relic Hunter" lately).

P.S. Do you know anybody who has shifted back to IE from firefox? Due to some mysterious script which refuses to die, now you know (at least temperorily).

Newsblast #7

a.k.a. It's "H-allows", not "G-allows" (to be said in your best "Philosopher's Stone" Hermione accent)


First things first, it is only the mild manners of Harry Potter fans which has saved ToI columnist Indira Rodericks from any Crucio's and even Avada Kedavra's coming her way. Otherwise, I cannot think of any fitting punishment for mentioning (twice, not once, but twice) the name of HP7 as "Deathly Gallows" in the same article.

Also, regarding the news item, let me let you in on a secret regarding the "pirated script".


I have seen three or four different versions of so-called "Deathly Hallows" ebooks. Except one, even a person who hasn't heard of a person called JKR (i.e. a modern-day Robinson Crusoe, or a person who has just stepped off the spaceship from the other end of universe) can tell that these so-called "pirated books" cannot possible be written by the great author.

The only version which may confuse non-fans at the start is written as a fan-fic, actually called "Seventh Horcrux", and the author of that book is trying her best to instruct people about the fact (more power to her). So, if somebody sends you a link to a ebook called "Deathly Hallows" which sounds like written by JKR but has some *ahem* teen themes in it, remember it is called "Seventh Horcrux".

And if somebody sends you a link to a book called "Deathly Gallows", just delete it without even opening the mail, even if it is sent to you by your alter-ego, because how can the person who cannot get the name correct, get his hands on the actual book?

And I think this will be a best place to tell people about my policy for spoiler-"pirated early version" etc. kind of mails.

• First, anybody sending me a early version with a misplaced sense of anything: I might take a look at the book, and even enjoy it if it is good. But if it really turns out to be The Book later on, it will be taken as spoiler (read next point for spoiler), because though impatient to get my hands on the book, I am perfectly content to stay put till the official release date.
  


• Anybody sending me unofficial spoilers (i.e. those not given out by JKR or publishers) should better get himself a berth on the Black Pearl, as the "end of the world" will possibly be only semi-safe place for him/her (and I am not guaranteeing that he will be safe there either).

So there...

Once again folks, it is "Hallows", not "Gallows" (think Kannad if you are confused)... and I haven't seen any ebook which can touch the inimitable style of JKR yet (and won't tell you even if I find it before The DH-Day).


Technorati Tags: news, Harry Potter

ROFL In Translation

Now, all the people who know me (or read this blog) know that I am a follower of "Lost in Translation" cult i.e. though I don't begrudge people watching translated/subtitled movies (and I have watched a few movies in languages I don't understand because of the miracle that is subtitles), I do believe that more often than not, the process if not carried out properly does result in a lot of unintentional jokes or gaffes.



Take today's example[1]. While I was watching the latest episode of "Ravan"[2], the powers-that-b(roadcast) decreed in all their wisdom that watching a kid sprout words like "आसमंत, कृपया" and the overall over-acting[3] was not enough fun in their own accord, and there was some more jokes needed to push me over the edge.





Now, even though the episode was in Hindi, somehow there were English subtitles coming up in the lower part of the screen. In such cases, it is always a game for me to watch the case of mis-translations or dropped "deeper meanings" in phrases. But, this time I didn't need to look for any deeper meanings.



The episode had something about Pishachch[4]. And while the kids were sprouting lines about pishachch, the subtitles[5] were talking about "pistachios". If I could stomach[6] the lines like "They have taken control over the pistachios", and "Damn the Pistachios", the line which really cracked me up[7] was,

"They take children from the nearby villages and feed them to pistachios."

Talk about the food becoming the eater... Is that what they mean by "feedback" now?



[1] I think there is something wrong in that sentence.

[2] Hey, a guy needs his fun.

[3] Or no-acting, as the case may be.

[4] A kind of lowly spirit, purportedly controlled by Shankar.

[5] I fervently hope that it was machine translation.

[6] Yes, that was a pun. More where that came from.

[7] Told you, there were more puns on the way.





P.S. To prove that this was not an isolated episode, George talks about more such "subtitillations".

Newsblast #6

a.k.a. Purana maal le lo bhai... (Or, Old News, New Comments)



Well, the old goat-footed, pointy-tailed, horned Bad Boy has come down with a heavy head cold. People in many localities are trying to recover from aerial attacks of porcine nature. Otherwise there is peace and prosperity in every corner of the earth and India is finally completely free from corruption.



Only this can account for the one piece of news I read recently.





How else can we account for the fact that India-Pakistan-South Africa series due to take place in June-July has found no sponsors? Yes, you read that correctly. India... Pakistan... Cricket... ODI series. And (sit down now), no companies coming forward to sponsor the series. What next? Ashes with no sponsors? Real Madrid and Gunners working on charity?



If the aforem. reasons are not true, there are only two things I can think of

1. The Great Indian Postal Service has finally ground to halt completely (assuming the tenders come through the Post), or somebody in Kohima or Imphal has woken up to find an avalanche of tenders in their letter-box (BCCI meets in Mumbai, remember?).



2. Nah, can't think of anything else. This point is here just because every "a" has to have a "b".

While we are on the cricket (or rather, something close to cricket), 2003 was a blouse (links appreciated), 2007 was a saree. Now, while BVIFOMM rejoices over the fact that nothing is worn over the saree (and hence we have run out of scandal clothes), SVIBOMM shudders to think what will come in 2011.





P.S. BVIFOMM: Big Voice In the Front of My Mind

SVIBOMM: Small Voice In the Back of My Mind (both pronunciations rhyme with Sweden)



P.P.S. Click "Newsblast" for more on this series.





Technorati Tags: news, cricket, World Cup, India, Pakistan

Bollywood Bites IX

a. k. a. Roti, Kapda, Makaan aur...



This interview by the Emraan "I-must-have-kissed-more-than-20" Kissmi, apart from giving me a healthy dose of inferiority complex, did open my eyes to one or two important things I have been missing in my life.



But that is not all. I have also found out that far from being a "well-adjusted" person I thought I was, I have also been depraved of one of the most basic needs of man.





For one, if "being a skirt-chaser is normal", I need a heavy dose of ye olde soul-searcher for being such an abnormal person till now. I mean, I want to be a "normal, well, adjusted" human being after all. But being a novice, a small voice in the back of my mind (called SVIBOMM from now on) keeps asking "Normal for what species?" and "What kind of skirts can we chase? Those on clothes-lines or those on display windows in shops?" and "Does chasing mini-skirts count as a crime against minor?" (Any help in this direction would be appreciated).



And then, for all those who thought getting "roti, kapda aur makaan" (food, clothes and shelter, for Bollywood-ignorant amongst you) and maybe some nice cars and gadgets was enough to fulfil all your needs, this Prophet of Kisses has an eye-opener. (Check out the last line on this page for details)



Now, SVIBOMM continues, "How do we know when we have fulfilled this need?", "Can we count 'abstinence' as a kind of weapon on the same level as hunger strike?" and most important of all, "If UNO and charitable institutes help the people who can't fulfil their needs like food, are there any organisations who help p&*#-depraved?"





P.S. Click "Bollywood Bites" for other posts in this series.



Technorati Tags: bollywood, emraan hashmi, porn,

Rejoice, Ye All Fans

As July 21st approaches, All Harry Potter fans (the two active ones, two yet-to-come-out and five lurkers on this blog included) are going to be torn between two conflicting emotions. For one, last book in the Harry Potter series. That has to be is the biggest news (Amazon pre-orders confirm that), and I for one cannot wait to finish the book in one sitting, starting the moment I get my hands on it.

On the other hand, given JKR's reported desire that the series will be wrapped up so that there will be no more "sequels", apart from movies, this is The Last One. Even though I agree with JKR given the "success" (or lack thereof) of the famous characters being resurrected (except Holmes, who was brought back to life, but the nature of character didn't make it impossible like Harry Potter), this is the last book we can look forward to.

Or at least, that was the status till now...


But, now it is being reported that JKR might come true on her promise (or rather, possibility of plan) of writing something like "Hogwarts: A History". Of course, the book might not be named that, but an encyclopaedia of Harry Potter world will be... for lack of better words, The Book You Have To Buy. The book might be published for charity (like "Quiddich through the ages" and "Fantastic Beasts..."), so there is one more reason to buy it for those vacillating.

So, keep all your fingers crossed, and I promise if the book comes out, Hermione will not be the only one who has read "Hogwarts: A History".




Technorati Tags: Harry Potter, News,

Bollywood Bites VIII

a.k.a. "Makad Manav 3, Bhojpuri ma" (Spider-Man 3 in Bhojpuri, for Bhojpuri-challenged)

Not strictly a Bollywood news, but it seems Spider-Man 3 is being released across India dubbed in all Indian languages and dialects. And seems one of those languages is Bhojpuri. This video, along with the news just made my day (or rather, I will be laughing in my sleep now). "amar tera badala lekar rahin, Peter"... Really...


I have never been a dubbed movie fan. My earliest *shudder* moment with dubbing can be traced back to Alan Grant shouting "woh dekho badi chhipkali!" (sorry guys, translating that to english will just take away all the fun), and since then I run away faster than a speeding ornithomimid from any theatre showing dubbed movie.

Now, before any puter lycopersica (-cums?) come my way, I am (perhaps too) proud of my mother tongue Marathi, and don't think every single person should know English. So, while I don't begrudge the people who don't understand English listening to Spider-Man say, "Hum makad manav hain, ud kar aayab aur tohar tetuwa dabaa deb (I'm Spiderman, I'll fly to you and throttle you)", don't get angry when my reaction is


While we are on the subject of Makad Manav, I think they took the "Makad" part too seriously. Which is why the movie created in Bhojpuri a la Spider-Man is named "Bajrangi", with the hero being blessed with superpowers by Hanuman (maakad = monkey in Marathi).

And while we are still on the subject, given the dark themes of Spider-Man 3, I am not at all surprised to know Makad Manav also moonlights as Gabbar (the actor who gives his voice to Spidey is also acting as Gabbar in Bhojpuri Sholey).

P.S. In today's world of Information superhighway and all, I am not surprised that a website promises me the review of "Spider-Man 4", a movie which is "in production" according to IMDB.

P.P.S. Click "Bollywood Bites" for other posts in this series.


Technorati Tags: bollywood, spiderman, bhojpuri, dubbing, India

Bollywood Bites VII

First came ved and upnishad (which are "sung" in their original format). Then came shayari and many other forms of music. Then came the musicals (marathi musicals and their stars are famous).



Given the glorious tradition of Indian music and dance forms, it was but natural that the original Indian movie-makers would add song-and-dance sequences to their movies. Thus started the tradition of Indian song fests (with upto 14 songs in one movie. Remember, that's songs, not soundtracks)





When people started getting bored, the directors added "bonus" sightings in their movies, in the form of "item songs". Catering to the so-called front-seaters in the theatres (which are so different from front-benchers in the schools in their behaviour and expectations, but I digress), the item songs also provided an added incentive for people to watch the movies, in the form of their favourite attractive actors (the gender-neutral noun now being appropriate) even if just for 5 minutes or less.



But, it seems now people are not content with watching one actor dancing to a feet-tapping number. Or maybe, it is a very good strategy on the part of director, that almost every person who watches Bollywood movies will get to see their favourite star in this song. I mean, out of 30 actors in a song, every movie-goer should have at least one actor whom he/she likes to watch, right?



Update: I was almost sure that this news was really big enough for "International Herald Tribune" to report, but then I read the word "astronomers" and knew that it was something else (though equally newsworthy).





While we are on the subject of Bollywood, is it only me or does this headline suggest that Suniel (have I missed any e's or i's here?) Shetty is competing with Shakti Kapoor for the recipient of the dialog, "Bhagwan ke liye muze chhod do"?



Click "Bollywood Bites" for other posts in this series.

Technorati Tags: bollywood, actors, songs, suniel shetty

Life Is Weird

Harry Potter fans know Imelda Staunton as Her Pinkness Dolores Umbridge, The High Inquisitor. For all non-Harry Potter fans (really people, when will you see The Light?), she (Umbridge, not Staunton) is a nasty, prejudiced disciplinarian, who does things like shown in the video below:



(sorry for the voice, or rather lack of it)

Which is why it is weird when you suddenly come across her (Staunton, not Umbridge) acting as DSI Julie Enfield (more about her later) on BBC, where she takes "private lessons" from a handsome chef in one episode (radio drama = full vocalization *ahem*), and is heard karaoke-ing (that's a word) in another. It's like having your HoD walk in the college canteen and start taking about "Successful Proxy Techniques". In a word, "That's weird"...

And talking about weird, remember when the garden hose you use has something jammed in it, then you start the water and after some time, the jammed thing suddenly flies out of the pipe? My headphones are like that pipe.

Yesterday, I was listening to some things while sitting in library. After a while, I packed my laptop, disconnected the headphones and connected them to my i-pod. Suddenly, after 5 minutes I heard *ting-ding* in my headphones, the sound whose source could only have been me disconnecting my mouse from my laptop's USB port.

And then today, I selected the latest Julie Enfield mystery on my i-pod and left for school. Halfway there, I heard the sounds the scroll-wheel of i-pod makes through the headphones. The weird thing is, my i-pod was locked since I left my room.

The Fount of Knowledge Part V

When people come here in search of "The Definite Answer", one of the most frequent questions is about what career they should follow, or what would be the Next Big Thing (the others being about girls and books). And in our quest to answer all the questions of the questers, we keep our eyes open. And the result of the extensive research is...



Forget IT or call centres or BT or KT, The next Big Thing is "Effigy Burning". Don't believe this?





Let's take a look at the industry. What is the most important thing needed for the effigy burning? Effigy (it has to be called "effigy burning" for a reason, right?). So for starters, we have one or more artists "preparing" that effigy. Then, no industry can live without a transport system, even though the system is your local autowallah or tempowallah. Then, we have all those people who are paid to shout slogans (come on, are you telling me so many people come out in burning heat just because they could not see a kiss live?). So you can see how this industry is important for economy.



And remember, the only investment needed is some clothes, a can of kerosene, a matchbox or a lighter, and a nice loud voice. Talk about low investment, high return job.



Now, we have some suggestions for Indian Government to nurture this emerging industry. First let's put some professionalism in it (something like what they did for Khadi). Making this cottage industry into professional companies will induce competition, which will in turn work wonders with quality and price, at the same time ensuring the welfare of the artists (include all other advantages of capitalism here). That will also bring this emerging industry under tax umbrella, thus increasing the government's revenues. We can also make certain effigies of people who undermine our national culture "tax free".



Then, let's have tax protections for local artists (companies, to be precise). I mean, who would want a "Made in China" effigy (even if it is cheap), if 2 out of 5 effigies don't burn (or they burn out before you start a nice loud naarebazee)?



Censor boards and other such bodies should be tasked (under "Right to Information Act") to give out information about all kisses and such vulgar acts in movies and other such media before they come out. This will give the artists more time to create better effigies (remember, Quality is King in any production industry).



More suggestions will be pouring soon. But for all those people who want to get ahead of the market, Aerie Institute (after the most successful course, Spamming 101)is starting "Effigy Burning 101". Register now, remember that there is a whole new field of outsourcing waiting for you out there, which will still be here after people in western countries are burning effigies of people in India who are responsible for outsourcing.



P.S. This started as a comment on Neihal's post, but since it kept growing, it developed into a post.

Newsblast #5

aka Archis Ke Karname...



I am very happy that soon we will be reading about Archis, and his friends Basanti, Nikita, Jagdish and Motu. Basanti and Nikita will be wearing sarees, Jagdish will be munching idlis and Motu will play cricket.



Now that's what I call "Indianization".





Now, I have some more suggestions to make the conversion complete. For starters, Jagdish would be better off eating vada-pav rather than idlis (hey, idli is supposed to have some nutritional value). Archis should roam around on a 1980-ke jamaane ki scooter or better still, luna if not a Hercules cycle (nick-named ghoda). Cricket players are not as stereotypically dumb as football players, so I think Motu will be better off playing boxing/wrestling. Or else he will have to be a bit more clever.



And I like the idea of girls in junior colleges wearing sarees (they should even wear pallus over their heads according to our culture), but I am starting an on-line petition to ensure that the Basanti and Nikita will tie rakhees on Archis' wrist on Raksha-bandhan to ensure that it does not violate our culture. No Valentine's Day celebrations for them...

Rush Your Entries...

Aerie Institute is proud to present first "Mighty Sword" and "Ink Pen" awards...



Deadline to submit entries: 15 May 2007.





For details, see this.



So send in your entries and help make these awards a success...

Kissa Cricket Ka Part III

Everybody who has played gully cricket in his life knows the Law of Elevation: If the ball reaches a stationary altitude above sea level which is different than the one you are playing at, it constitutes a wicket.



i.e. If you are playing on a small ground surrounded by buildings, anyone hitting the ball on a terrace/balcony is considered "out". And while playing on a terrace, any ball which reaches "ground level" is "out". And not just "out", the batsman has to go and get the ball...





Now, we were playing at my friend's place, on his terrace (the normal rules: below is out, touch is 1 run, no running needed and one-tup catch-out). After hitting a few shots which ricocheted off the terrace wall, and came back (and that's a six!!!), I got out, and my friend started batting.



First ball, a feather touch, dropped just near the legs, the ball meanders through the gap towards the boundary wall. We are almost sure the ball would not reach the wall, given its speed.



Now, I have already said, that cricket is a game of chance... and some people are even less lucky than a person hit by meteorite.



The ball somehow crawled to the wall. Now, as luck would have it, there was a slight curve at the edge between the terrace floor and the wall. The ball went up the curve gracefully, and in a slow-motion went over the wall...



Perhaps the first time in the history of The Game when the batsman wished somebody had fielded the ball before it reached the ropes... There were no printable words in the first reaction of the batsman...



Technorati Tags: jokes, cricket

Review?

Now let me clear one thing here, Eragon did disappoint me. It left out some major plot points from the book, and changed the story so that hardcore book fans will be disappointed. But then, you need to cut a lot to fit a 768 page long story into a decent-sized film.



But, when you review that film, you are expected to note that the film is based on a book. Of course, the book is a homage to a lot of big stories like Star Wars, LoTR etc.



Now, I am not sure which version of the movie has reached India and I am pretty sure the reviewer has never heard of the book.





This might explain some misleading statements in the review:

1. When Eragon finds the "egg", everybody assumes it is a stone till it hatches. You cannot make omlette out of a stone can you? (Of course, even the movie mentions it is a stone)



2. Saphira insisting that Eragon be her "rider" sounds like an overture? Dragons only hatch for their destined "riders", sometimes waiting for centuries. This explains that there are no dragon riders for many years, since the dragons did not want to hatch for anybody under Galbatorix's command. (Again, movie does mention this)



3. The answers to "pertinent questions" the reviewer asks for are in the book. Of course, the movie almost passes over Eragon's magical training by Brom, and the history is cut for most of the part for fitting the story to the film length, but there are details enough in the movie to give some answers.



4. The “great inevitable battle” is not the last one. It is just the first large scale battle Eragon and Saphira are part of, and in no way is purported to be the last. (Eldest has an even bigger and important battle at the end). And given Galbatorix's history, it is expected that he does not pit himself against an unknown Rider. (Yes, the battle scenes fail to impress after "Return of The King", but that was a classic)



5. I was sorry to see Murthagh's story cut. He is one of the most compelling characters in the books. (Kind of like Snape in Harry Potter. He is good, he is bad, he is good...). Ditto for Ajihad, the Varden leader (though he is definitely good).



6. Galbatorix does not "point to" a sequel. The sequel is already published, and is a phenomenon. The third book of the trilogy is on the way.

After the way the review has "crashed and burned", I am almost tempted to write a review of the film myself. Should I write it? If there are enough interested people, then write I shall, so do tell me... (The rediff review is much better, though still does not fulfill my expectations).



Also, I believe that in such case (films based on the books), the reviews of the film should fill in the gaps in the film by mentioning the details from the book (or saying that film does not include...). What do you think?



Find a (admittedly incomplete) review of the first two books of "Inheritance Trilogy" here.

Kissa Cricket Ka Part II

Cricket is a game of chance... and some days are just not your days... (more for some than others)



Same day. Same team. Same captain... different match.





Now all of the players of "gully cricket" know what is "First Over, Last Batting" rule: The bowler who bowls the first over goes in to bat last. The best batsmen are usually openers, followed by mediocre ones making up the middle. So, even though the opening bowler is all-rounder, he is relegated to take strike last.



So, the captain walks on the ground with 12 runs needed off 3-odd overs, and 1 wicket in hand (which converts to about 20 runs in 10 runs with 3-4 wickets in hand in ODI). Easy, right? All the other batsman (who was batting from middle order) had to do is to take a run and give the better one strike. Or stay put for 2 balls and let the "over-crossing" do his work for him.



1st ball: A mighty blow... caught in the deep.



Result: we won by 11 runs, with 3.2 overs to go... The captain (who was the best player for the job at the moment) has walked back and forth from the pitch within 2 minutes (faster than Maggie or Saurav Ganguli of last year), without facing a ball (unlike Ganguli of last year), and cursing his luck and his team.





Technorati Tags: cricket, jokes

Kissa KCricket Ka Part I

Sorry for that Karan KJoharsque mistake (can't call myself KEkta Kapoor, can I?)



While thinking about and writing the Summer tag (thanks Silverine), I realised that there were many reasons we played cricket. Who says we can only "enjoy" watching cricket? Playing it not just fun, but "fun".



Now, all who have played cricket on a big ground with a small group knows the value of "borrowed" fielder. Normally placed as wicket-keeper (mostly to retrieve wides), if the ground is big enough or team size is small enough, this member can be placed in more prominent positions.



Once, finding ourselves in such a position, we borrowed the best fielder from opposing team (their captain) and placed him somewhere between square-leg and mid-wicket. And within the first two balls, the ball was tracing a aerial trajectory with the speed of a particularly lazy snail towards him.





Now, the "borrowed" man always faces a dilemma. If you have some moral sense, you try particularly hard not to get called a cheater, and try to catch/field even the impossible balls, even though it goes against your "team spirit" (which is why you tell your team mates not to hit the ball in your direction). But moral or not, it is impossible to drop a ball which you can catch without moving a step. Score: 1/1.



I seriously think watching your team-mate field near your gives you a sense that this is a net practise, not a match. Because within next two overs, all 4 of the batsmen had almost literally dropped what we called "lollies" in their captain's lap. Score 10/4.



Cursing his luck (and his team-mates), the captain took the strike, and I replaced him from my favourite point position. I think you must have guessed by now what happened next?



Within next 3 deliveries, the ball was again traversing the now-familiar trajectory towards my waiting hands. Talk about "team spirit".



P.S. This marks century of posts on "Talons"...



Technorati Tags: jokes, cricket

This Week by Fleiger- April 8

It's statistics time at Aerie as the blogs follow NSE index. A scoop makes future look bright.



Those stories plus a surprise announcement, coming after the break... This is Adler, welcome to this week's edition of "This Week by Fleiger"...

This part of the program brought to you by Silverine, the topmost referrer for "Adlergedanke"

Who doesn't like to look at nice statistics? Well, the numbers are in for the month of March, and there's a good news. "Adlergedanke experienced the most traffic this month, and broke 500 figure. Even the figures for 'Talons' are very good. Of course, April and May are going to be busy months at Aerie, but we are pretty sure that we can get to our target of 750 this quarter," said an obviously excited spokesperson.



And the people at Aerie are sure looking like they will get there. In a surprising scoop, this week saw the famous "Silverine" joining the list of writers (the list already containing illustrious names) at the newsblog, "Khabari LOL". Though it is reported that she has currently joined as a freelancer, "we are pretty sure that we can convince her to join full time very soon", said the spokesperson in answer to the question.



And that was not the only surprising news this week. Stay tuned, we will be back after this short break...

This part of the program brought to you by "Sid", the top referrer for "Talons..."

Today, in a packed press-conference, the director at Aerie, Fleiger announced a new site, "Eagle Writes" which will be the main portal for the institute soon. Though the site is "in pre-beta stage" according to Fleiger, it is expected to contain all the stories, books and other major content the institute has and will develop. "We are opening it to public so that we can get reviews/feedbacks in parallel with development. Of course, the site does not have any feedback mechanism installed yet, but leave comments on any of our blogs," announced Fleiger.



So, go ahead and visit the site... And don't forget to leave me feedback for this show. This is Adler, signing off till next week...

Heard Before The Exam

Real conversation which took place just before the exam today:

"Can I have extra credit because it is my b'day today?"
"Can I have extra credit because it is her b'day today?"
"I will give everybody extra credit, how does that sound to you?"
"Sounds delicious..."
"Sounds delicious like a cake..."
"But cake does not sound delicious. I mean, it does not have trumpets and all calling, I'm delicious."

Missed some part here, I was trying to study for a change you know. And it is hard to study while thinking of cakes with blaring trumpets, and keep track of everything being said around you (Got only 2 ears)

"Are there any words which sound delicious?"
"Shampoo..."
"Right... shampoo sounds delicious"
"All the words except Russian words sound delicious..."

Exam pressure? What's that???

Technorati Tags: jokes

It Had To Happen...

Two controversies. Two results. None unpredictable. One should be celebrated, the other will be.



Know what I am talking about?

• As all the Chess players and chess followers across the world knew, this had to happen sometime. I mean, given Viswanathan Anand's talent and record (as far as I remember, he is pretty consistent with one or two bad patches), it was more of a question "When" than "Will he".
  
  And after the Linares controversy is over, what matters is that Anand has achieved top spot in FIDE rankings.
  
  Now, I know this news will be interesting to only a small percentage of people in India, and more than probably will be drowned out by the other news... But here's to Anand, and may he remain in the position for a long time to come...



• After the recent World Cup performance, (on which I am not going to comment as per my vow) and all the controversies after that, it was just a question of time when this was going to happen. And I am thinking that probably right now, many people are celebrating that Chappell has resigned from his position.
  
  No further comments on that matter from my side...



• And while we are on the subject of Cricket and coaches, I was always under the impression that unlike Basketball or Football (the one played with foot and the one where you hold the ball and run), the role of coach was pretty limited once the team went on the ground to field, and the captain essentially took over.
  
  I mean, can anybody tell me why the captain should retire or be blamed after a bad team performance, if coaches are virtual masters of the team, as this seems to imply?

Technorati Tags: cricket, world cup, chess

Fount of Knowledge Part IV

When I posted the chapter excerpt for "Fleiger and The Art of Computer Maintenance" last week, Sid and Iyersir replied with suggestions to include some more keys (which I had thought of being specific to software engineers, and not for general public). When I thought about it, I realised that even general bloggers and forum-dwellers have to be educated about those keys. So, here's the addition to the chapter:

4. Ctrl key: (Normally used with "a", "c" and "v" keys) Two such keys are placed on either side of your keyboard. This probably explains why these shortcut keys are used so extensively by every software engineer. You can also use them in your blogs and forums to "quote" somebody or reply to selective parts of the comments you get. Of course, like all good things (except maybe chocolates, books and one or two such things) too much use can result in bad results.
   Let's again take the example of public speaking, shall we? (The proper answer to this is "yes sir" or "do let's") If you stand on the podium on 15th Aug, and start quoting parts from the "Freedom at Midnight" or "Gettysburg", people will applaud. But if you start giving the entire speech, you will be heckled unless it is a competition to memorise famous speeches.


5. Del key: (and backspace) As the name suggests, this is used to delete the (type-)written word. Again, excess use will result in an empty post, but judicious use is useful for correcting your grammar, spelling and improve/change the posts you have already written if you change your mind about something. There is also one more important use I want to tell you about. You can use this key as a "counting to 10" key. Say you want to write something inflammatory, spam somebody or shoot a hate mail to somebody. Write it, so that the hate is out of your system, then instead of hitting Send, hit this key (or backspace, based on position) and delete the entire thing. You know, no hate, no regret. Peace rules...


6. Alt key: Again, this key (normally) exists in duplicates. Used with "F4", this key is your friend in need. Say your boss walks in on you while you are writing/reading a blog, or doing something you are not supposed to do on your machine. Hit this combo, and all is well. You are very angry about something somebody has written, and the "Del" key is not enough to drain your anger. Hit it, and the offending material is out of your sight. All in all, friend indeed...


7. Of course, any discussion on keys is never complete without the Grand Universal Combination, "Ctrl-Alt-Del". Like "Alt-F4", this is your friend in need. But while "Alt-F4" is at best a bunker-buster, this combination is known as "The H-Bomb" of all combinations. But of course, desperate times (you boss/wife/gf walks in while you are "stuck" on an unwanted website, or maybe just closing the window is not enough to fully purge your rightful wrath) call for desperate key-strokes...

Again, as I said before, all these keys are your friends. But just as you like your friends to take bath everyday, keeping your keys from getting stuck is necessary, if you want people to like you (and after all, why else are you on the web?). Remember that "too much of anything is bad" and "cleanliness is necessary for politeness" (or something like that).

And don't take my advise too literally. Your computer will not like to take a "bath" in water, or any fluid for that matter.

Have I missed anything? Want me to include/change anything? Leave a comment and I will consider...

This Week by Fleiger

After finishing with all "desi" ones, the detective series takes a break (What is the future of the series?)... "Adlergedanke" celebrates its second b'day ("Where are all the presents?" we ask)

These stories, and more, coming after the break... This is Adler, welcome to this week's edition of "This Week by Fleiger"...

This part of the program brought to you by "Fleiger's Shared Items", the box displaying best posts read by Fleiger...

In today's main news: after writing about all the famous "desi jasoos", the series is taking a break. "The break will allow us some time to collect data about future series, which will include either 'Kids' or 'Foreign' ones", said the spokesperson in a statement issued today. The decision will be based on a poll, which is expected to be posted on the site very soon.

Meanwhile, in a related news, the creators of the series are also asking for comments or suggestions on the series. "If we have missed anyone you like, or if you want to write about your favourite (or most hated) "jasoos", send us the link to the article, so that we can link it in the series", the statement continued.

In other news, the "Top" posts on both the blogs continue to maintain their positions. "Adlergedanke" experienced one of the busiest weeks, but the heavy traffic failed to change the top positions.

Coming up, "New and Noteworthy", something special for the occasion. Don't go away, we will be right back...

This part of the program brought to you by "Khabari LOL", a group blog Fleiger is proud to be a part of...

Welcome back... On the occasion of second anniversary of "Adlergedanke", Fleiger will be inaugurating "This Week in History", the links to the posts you would have seen if you had visited the blog last year, the year before that, and so on. The first link is skewed a bit, because the actual "first" post Fleiger wrote is no more.

As a part of the celebrations, there is also one more "secret" change in both the blogs. "We have changed something in just 1/2 most recent posts, which will continue in all coming posts. Do tell us if you can find it", said the spokesperson before running off to party.

On that note, this is Adler signing off at "This Week by Fleiger"... For any suggestions/improvements, leave me comments. Till next week...


P.S. Remember that "This Week..." is different than the normal programming when searching for "secret change".