Saturday, April 28, 2007

The Fount of Knowledge Part V

When people come here in search of "The Definite Answer", one of the most frequent questions is about what career they should follow, or what would be the Next Big Thing (the others being about girls and books). And in our quest to answer all the questions of the questers, we keep our eyes open. And the result of the extensive research is...

Forget IT or call centres or BT or KT, The next Big Thing is "Effigy Burning". Don't believe this?

Let's take a look at the industry. What is the most important thing needed for the effigy burning? Effigy (it has to be called "effigy burning" for a reason, right?). So for starters, we have one or more artists "preparing" that effigy. Then, no industry can live without a transport system, even though the system is your local autowallah or tempowallah. Then, we have all those people who are paid to shout slogans (come on, are you telling me so many people come out in burning heat just because they could not see a kiss live?). So you can see how this industry is important for economy.

And remember, the only investment needed is some clothes, a can of kerosene, a matchbox or a lighter, and a nice loud voice. Talk about low investment, high return job.

Now, we have some suggestions for Indian Government to nurture this emerging industry. First let's put some professionalism in it (something like what they did for Khadi). Making this cottage industry into professional companies will induce competition, which will in turn work wonders with quality and price, at the same time ensuring the welfare of the artists (include all other advantages of capitalism here). That will also bring this emerging industry under tax umbrella, thus increasing the government's revenues. We can also make certain effigies of people who undermine our national culture "tax free".

Then, let's have tax protections for local artists (companies, to be precise). I mean, who would want a "Made in China" effigy (even if it is cheap), if 2 out of 5 effigies don't burn (or they burn out before you start a nice loud naarebazee)?

Censor boards and other such bodies should be tasked (under "Right to Information Act") to give out information about all kisses and such vulgar acts in movies and other such media before they come out. This will give the artists more time to create better effigies (remember, Quality is King in any production industry).

More suggestions will be pouring soon. But for all those people who want to get ahead of the market, Aerie Institute (after the most successful course, Spamming 101)is starting "Effigy Burning 101". Register now, remember that there is a whole new field of outsourcing waiting for you out there, which will still be here after people in western countries are burning effigies of people in India who are responsible for outsourcing.

P.S. This started as a comment on Neihal's post, but since it kept growing, it developed into a post.


Neihal said...


Seriously I was talking about all the pollution it creates, did not know it will give ppl such brilliant ideas. Sigh!

Anonymous said...

>even though the system is your local autowallah or tempowallah.

Fleiger said...

@Neihal: At first I thought you were talking about this post when you said "pollution it creates"...

But then, brilliant is what brilliant does, right? ;)

@Nikichan: Well, they are major players in city transport :D

Neihal said...

At first I thought you were talking about this post when you said "pollution it creates"

Ok now I am talking about the post, it is polluting ppl's mind.


that girl in pink said...

:) true true very true!

you should teach on course on effigy burning at the IIMs.

Fleiger said...

@Neihal: You ask where's the Brilliance? Here

Ok now I am talking about the post, it is polluting ppl's mind.

@TGIP: That reminds me, I should trademark, register, patent (and everything else) the idea of the course before people jump on the bandwagon ;)