About Manners and Decorum

It's not just us Knights who make life easier for people around us. There are some of our friends who also hold honorary positions at The Table, because of their sense of humour...

11th std. We the friends had gone on a camp on an island with a group. On the island, the living arrangements consisted of one large tent for us boys (around 10), a large tent for girls (similar number), followed by the tents for families and instructors.

After some near misses on the first day, we had to tell the girls to ask if anybody is changing (there being no doors to knock on) before charging in inside our tent, all the while being aware that a large head-sized hole (at about chest height) near the curtain (which served as door) rendered this precaution something less than that. But then, there is such a thing as decorum...

On the second day, one of our friends sticks his head inside the tent through aforem. hole and asks loudly, "Is anybody changing?"

Before the astonished occupants of the tent could answer, he continues, "No? Then I won't come in" and walks off... leaving us spectators RITSL.


- For I am The Great Eagle...

Glossary:
RITSL = rolling in the sand, laughing

To Paraphrase The Bard...

(Note for feminists: Please read completely before burning my effigy or your ****.)


It is The Eve of The Century, the eve of the day everyone was waiting for. Little B (I still don't know what kind of "B" he is called) is going to get married the next day, and everybody, including the media (ok, especially the media) is going mad with the Abhiwariya stories. The marriage preparations are in their last stages, when Little B bursts into his father's room with a worried face. Before anybody can tell him that it is natural to feel worried before M-Day, he takes his father apart from others and imparts a shocking news.

"Mom wants me to change Aishwarya's name in the marriage tomorrow or you will have to change mom's name", he tells the surprised father-in-law-to-be. Puzzled on this last minute request, the whole family rushes to M-in-L-t-b's room. "I can understand the first part, what with the tradition and all", Big B booms, "but why do you want to change your name?"

"I don't want to be an odd-woman-out in the family full of AB's," sniffs dulhe ki maa.



- For I am The Great Eagle...


S.P. 1. This is the last time you will read about this piece on news on my blog, I promise.
2. This is the last time you will read the name "Abhiwa..." on my blog, except in a joke like this, I promise.
3. Please note that I have made no "last time" promises about bad jokes...

The Rs. 4,41,25,000 Question #2

The second in series of questions which humankind (I don't want feminists on my case) has tried to puzzle out for ages (or at least, since when hostels were invented):

After a survey of a lot of horror series as well as movies, we have realised that one thing is always taken for granted. But, here at Aerie Institute, we always question all the premises:

Why do all urban ghosts (male and female) congregate in ladies hostels?

This phenomenon may have something to do with the fact that the extraordinary happenings, like restroom doors locking themselves, sometime forcing the occupant to "rest" inside until released, or your entire luggage being shifted to corridor are taken for granted in the boys' hostel (whoever said boys will be boys, may be right). It also may have something to do with the fact that the chattering and giggles and squeals (after sighting a crawler) in ladies hostel make many a supernaturalkind feel at home. This may also have to do with the ghosts' innate desire to get maximum scares for minimum efforts.

But, a lot of research is being carried out in the institute currently, which may suggest that the ghosts' habit to walk through the doors and walls, and not knocking unless they want to scare someone may have something to do with this.

Not totally related, but showing the difference in genders, is an incident which took place some years back.

We, the classmates of third year engineering had gone on a tour. One day (or one night, to be specific), some of us decided to keep awake for the whole night as we had booked a bus for early next morning (and I mean around 5 am by early). Naturally, after sitting for some time outside our rooms, the subject turned to ghosts. One fellow told a nice little story about a ghost near their house which stands on a bridge and asks the passersby for matches to light his cigarette.

One or two stories later, there was a slight lull in conversation as many of us were thinking that keeping awake is such a chore, when we spotted a person striding towards us. He stepped closer, and asked, "maachis hai kya?" ("do you have matches?"). After a minute of silence all the boys started guffawing and one girl was almost reduced to tears by fear, while the unfazed seeker had to wait for a lot of time for one of us to calm down enough to enlighten him that his quest was not ended.



- For I am The Great Eagle...


P.S. For the start of series, read this, which is one of the most commented upon posts in this blog's history. Also, if you are wondering about the changes in title, that's because the exchange rates have changed.

Spelling Boos

A flag on 15th Aug 1947 saw to it that I do not need to declare a war on English Queen. That does not mean that I have a war on with Queen's English, but there are some skirmishes between us once in a while (and don't think that the irony that I am posting this in English has escaped me.)

The first time we crossed swords was one morning in my 10th std when I realised that I cannot spell the word "beautiful" correctly any more. Now, those were the days we used to write using a paper and pen, and spell-checker meant our teacher (or my mom). After seeing many bleeding (red) wounds on my paper due to the misspelled word, I made a habit of saying "B-E-A-utiful" every time I have to write that word. A strategy which is yet to fail... and the battle was behind me.

The latest one in the line is "apparently". Now, I had a fleeting notion that "E" is the most prolific letter (and of course, vowel) in English language. Apparently, this word goes against the rules. And the only strategy I can come up with to win this battle is to think that the word is not English at all, but an alien from some South Indian state.

And for all those who think I am raving, I know the word does not contain enough "H"s to qualify as a South Indian word. But can anybody really tell me that the word which is made up of "Appa" and "Rently" (maybe pronounced as "Rentle" with a drawn out "e") does not remind them of something they heard while eating idli-sambhar or rice bath (don't even ask)?

Yes, I am pretty much sure I have this battle in bag.



P.S. While we are on the subject, can I please ask all of the readers to sign a petition asking all our Bollywood people to stop misspelling names in the name of numerology? I have enough battles on my own without adding "Bigg/Big" and "Preiti/Priti" to them.



- For I am The Great Eagle...

Someone Pinch Me Part Zwei

And somebody else punch the Indian school authorities for me for coming up with good ideas too late, if this suggestion goes through.

When coupled with the first part of "Somebody Pinch Me", I am pretty sure people will not blame me for saying things (at the expense of sounding like a senior citizen) like,"The times they are a-changin'", "you today's school-kids are lucky, you got everything" and maybe, "are they making plans for practicals too?".

I remember when we used to have S-Ed class in our school days (I think we had 2 classes for 35 min each when we were in 9th and 10th std). Those were the classes when you dropped your eraser, pencil, pen (or sometimes even entire compass-box if needed) and disappeared below the bench to giggle in silence. I don't remember anything more I learnt from those classes. But my defective memory from those times forces me to ask whether 70 min is enough to teach the entire book properly.

But in all fairness, we must congratulate Indian authorities for doing something which even in UK is considered risque.

My favourite line from the what-do-you-call-it? "Children in US and Europe are over-exposed to s**-related crimes and s**, so we should teach Indian children about it." Apparently, that's what global perspective means.

Sigh... Good things always happen to other people...

Bollywood Bites I

• A warning for all guys in India: Buckle up and keep your pants on. And tell me when Ms. Sherawat is planning her next US trip, so that I can ensure I am way away from her (or everybody else is way away from us, either works). The image is my head right now is Mallika Sherawat roaming around in her car on the streets of Mumbai and jumping out to strip a guy when she sees one.
  Ms. Sherawat is being sued because she appeared in an televised event in obscene clothes. The television company is not sued because they were just showing the event. Apparently, she walked out of the event because the show was televised without telling her. I have officially lost my head thinking whether this is circular logic or circular irony. (If found, please leave a comment etc etc as Dan Rydell would say)


• I feel like I have just hibernated for some 40 years, and woke up in 2047. Let's celebrate the 100th anniversary of our freedom!!!
  Also, apparently Small B (or whatever he is called now) has not overshadowed Aish in the movie. Now, I am all for watching Aish onscreen, but if this comment is about acting, I can see some alarm bells ringing...

Bend(?) It....

I am not that impressed by Beckham, you know. I mean, we could and did bend it in 6th std, and stopped doing it in 10th std because there are better things to do...

Anyways, the post is not about Beckham. It is not even about football (or soccer). It is about field hockey.

Now, don't get me wrong. I played field hockey for a year sometime before we started bending it, and my entire knowledge of field hockey is the result of leaky memory of a (at best) mediocre player. But given my limited knowledge of hockey ball and the fact that any ball flying through air is capable of being called a "foul", I am pretty sure that bending it (the aforem. ball) is a feat only The Khan can do (if anybody).

Of course, as I said, I can be wrong. So, can somebody please ask Dhyanchand and send me a snail?



S.P. Snail (or Super-Natural mAIL) is apparently the new way for the ghosts, spirits and other assorted supernatural beings to contact their near and dear un-departed souls.

How to Denounce a Criminal...

ACP Pradyuman from CID shows us how to denounce a criminal, delivering one of the greatest last lines I have ever heard uttered in a crime serial episode:

"2 katl aur kidnapping ke jurm mein shayad tumhe faansi ki saja hogi!" (You will be hanged for committing two murders and a kidnapping, maybe!)

It's that two murders bit that gets me, I mean its not the villain's fault that the kidnapee (it's a word) died while escaping the goons he set to kidnap her...

An Actor's Lot...

...is unhappy.

The Hollywood celebrities have to contend with paparazzi, stalkers, lack of proper wear... you know the lot. The Bollywood celebrities also have a lot to worry about. From being a target of jokes (and Siddhuji) on TGILC, to getting (per)sued every time they appear on screen, off screen. From getting sued for doing their director's bidding to getting sued for appearing in public... And now even bloggers want their pound of flesh when they get bombarded with a song (ok, that was an unfortunate pun).

So my fellow bloggers, please spare a thought for our (not so) poor actor brethren, and leave them to do what they do best (i.e. give us crazy comments like, "...though there were various offers from people from around the world to write my autobiography...").


And please maintain two minutes of silence for my late lamented capacity for good jokes (Puns? Puns?? What next???)

Difference

Do you know what is the difference between good comedy and just comedy? Canned laughter...

Do you know what is the difference between canned laughter and "live" laughter? Two points:

First, canned laughter is same every time, which gets irritating after first few times. I mean, I don't think any person can laugh the same time after time after time.

And, most important point is, canned laughter sounds like you are pointing out to people watching that you want them to laugh at that point. It reminds me of the guy we know who could not tell a joke even if there was a loaded gun pointed at his head (I think he is still the same). We used to tell him to raise his hand after he finished telling the joke, so that we could laugh. I mean, I like to laugh at points I find funny, not when somebody does his "pop the can, hahaha" routine.

So, in summary, that's the difference between "Naya Office Office" and " Sports Night". And if I am sounding cranky, I have been working in a overheated library with outside temperature near 20C, while we were expecting a nice, cool thunderstorm today. Nothing bugs you like not having to take a forced break from work.

Anyways, "Sports Night" is great... Unfortunately, there are very few videos or promos on YouTube, so go get the episodes. It is a definite precursor to Studio 60, I am going to get after Aaron Sorkin's filmography (or televisionography, or whatever it is called).

(Type) Writer's Block

I want to write... I want to tell the people about a very good book series, and a very good (though old) TV serial. But, somehow last few days all I am doing is sit around and watch episodes of West Wing and Sports Night. The Office just came back on the tube after the Christmas break, and Studio 60 is on the break till 24 Jan, and I fear it might not finish the first season. I have the entire post in my head, but no wish to type anything.

In short, I am suffering from Typewriter's block (not Writer's because I have the post in my head).

So, please bear with me till I overcome the block (and no, it is not laziness).



P.S. The picture at the top remains there till my college starts or till I feel, whichever is later.