The Fount of Knowledge Part V

When people come here in search of "The Definite Answer", one of the most frequent questions is about what career they should follow, or what would be the Next Big Thing (the others being about girls and books). And in our quest to answer all the questions of the questers, we keep our eyes open. And the result of the extensive research is...



Forget IT or call centres or BT or KT, The next Big Thing is "Effigy Burning". Don't believe this?





Let's take a look at the industry. What is the most important thing needed for the effigy burning? Effigy (it has to be called "effigy burning" for a reason, right?). So for starters, we have one or more artists "preparing" that effigy. Then, no industry can live without a transport system, even though the system is your local autowallah or tempowallah. Then, we have all those people who are paid to shout slogans (come on, are you telling me so many people come out in burning heat just because they could not see a kiss live?). So you can see how this industry is important for economy.



And remember, the only investment needed is some clothes, a can of kerosene, a matchbox or a lighter, and a nice loud voice. Talk about low investment, high return job.



Now, we have some suggestions for Indian Government to nurture this emerging industry. First let's put some professionalism in it (something like what they did for Khadi). Making this cottage industry into professional companies will induce competition, which will in turn work wonders with quality and price, at the same time ensuring the welfare of the artists (include all other advantages of capitalism here). That will also bring this emerging industry under tax umbrella, thus increasing the government's revenues. We can also make certain effigies of people who undermine our national culture "tax free".



Then, let's have tax protections for local artists (companies, to be precise). I mean, who would want a "Made in China" effigy (even if it is cheap), if 2 out of 5 effigies don't burn (or they burn out before you start a nice loud naarebazee)?



Censor boards and other such bodies should be tasked (under "Right to Information Act") to give out information about all kisses and such vulgar acts in movies and other such media before they come out. This will give the artists more time to create better effigies (remember, Quality is King in any production industry).



More suggestions will be pouring soon. But for all those people who want to get ahead of the market, Aerie Institute (after the most successful course, Spamming 101)is starting "Effigy Burning 101". Register now, remember that there is a whole new field of outsourcing waiting for you out there, which will still be here after people in western countries are burning effigies of people in India who are responsible for outsourcing.



P.S. This started as a comment on Neihal's post, but since it kept growing, it developed into a post.

Newsblast #5

aka Archis Ke Karname...



I am very happy that soon we will be reading about Archis, and his friends Basanti, Nikita, Jagdish and Motu. Basanti and Nikita will be wearing sarees, Jagdish will be munching idlis and Motu will play cricket.



Now that's what I call "Indianization".





Now, I have some more suggestions to make the conversion complete. For starters, Jagdish would be better off eating vada-pav rather than idlis (hey, idli is supposed to have some nutritional value). Archis should roam around on a 1980-ke jamaane ki scooter or better still, luna if not a Hercules cycle (nick-named ghoda). Cricket players are not as stereotypically dumb as football players, so I think Motu will be better off playing boxing/wrestling. Or else he will have to be a bit more clever.



And I like the idea of girls in junior colleges wearing sarees (they should even wear pallus over their heads according to our culture), but I am starting an on-line petition to ensure that the Basanti and Nikita will tie rakhees on Archis' wrist on Raksha-bandhan to ensure that it does not violate our culture. No Valentine's Day celebrations for them...

Rush Your Entries...

Aerie Institute is proud to present first "Mighty Sword" and "Ink Pen" awards...



Deadline to submit entries: 15 May 2007.





For details, see this.



So send in your entries and help make these awards a success...

Kissa Cricket Ka Part III

Everybody who has played gully cricket in his life knows the Law of Elevation: If the ball reaches a stationary altitude above sea level which is different than the one you are playing at, it constitutes a wicket.



i.e. If you are playing on a small ground surrounded by buildings, anyone hitting the ball on a terrace/balcony is considered "out". And while playing on a terrace, any ball which reaches "ground level" is "out". And not just "out", the batsman has to go and get the ball...





Now, we were playing at my friend's place, on his terrace (the normal rules: below is out, touch is 1 run, no running needed and one-tup catch-out). After hitting a few shots which ricocheted off the terrace wall, and came back (and that's a six!!!), I got out, and my friend started batting.



First ball, a feather touch, dropped just near the legs, the ball meanders through the gap towards the boundary wall. We are almost sure the ball would not reach the wall, given its speed.



Now, I have already said, that cricket is a game of chance... and some people are even less lucky than a person hit by meteorite.



The ball somehow crawled to the wall. Now, as luck would have it, there was a slight curve at the edge between the terrace floor and the wall. The ball went up the curve gracefully, and in a slow-motion went over the wall...



Perhaps the first time in the history of The Game when the batsman wished somebody had fielded the ball before it reached the ropes... There were no printable words in the first reaction of the batsman...



Technorati Tags: jokes, cricket

Review?

Now let me clear one thing here, Eragon did disappoint me. It left out some major plot points from the book, and changed the story so that hardcore book fans will be disappointed. But then, you need to cut a lot to fit a 768 page long story into a decent-sized film.



But, when you review that film, you are expected to note that the film is based on a book. Of course, the book is a homage to a lot of big stories like Star Wars, LoTR etc.



Now, I am not sure which version of the movie has reached India and I am pretty sure the reviewer has never heard of the book.





This might explain some misleading statements in the review:

1. When Eragon finds the "egg", everybody assumes it is a stone till it hatches. You cannot make omlette out of a stone can you? (Of course, even the movie mentions it is a stone)



2. Saphira insisting that Eragon be her "rider" sounds like an overture? Dragons only hatch for their destined "riders", sometimes waiting for centuries. This explains that there are no dragon riders for many years, since the dragons did not want to hatch for anybody under Galbatorix's command. (Again, movie does mention this)



3. The answers to "pertinent questions" the reviewer asks for are in the book. Of course, the movie almost passes over Eragon's magical training by Brom, and the history is cut for most of the part for fitting the story to the film length, but there are details enough in the movie to give some answers.



4. The “great inevitable battle” is not the last one. It is just the first large scale battle Eragon and Saphira are part of, and in no way is purported to be the last. (Eldest has an even bigger and important battle at the end). And given Galbatorix's history, it is expected that he does not pit himself against an unknown Rider. (Yes, the battle scenes fail to impress after "Return of The King", but that was a classic)



5. I was sorry to see Murthagh's story cut. He is one of the most compelling characters in the books. (Kind of like Snape in Harry Potter. He is good, he is bad, he is good...). Ditto for Ajihad, the Varden leader (though he is definitely good).



6. Galbatorix does not "point to" a sequel. The sequel is already published, and is a phenomenon. The third book of the trilogy is on the way.

After the way the review has "crashed and burned", I am almost tempted to write a review of the film myself. Should I write it? If there are enough interested people, then write I shall, so do tell me... (The rediff review is much better, though still does not fulfill my expectations).



Also, I believe that in such case (films based on the books), the reviews of the film should fill in the gaps in the film by mentioning the details from the book (or saying that film does not include...). What do you think?



Find a (admittedly incomplete) review of the first two books of "Inheritance Trilogy" here.

Kissa Cricket Ka Part II

Cricket is a game of chance... and some days are just not your days... (more for some than others)



Same day. Same team. Same captain... different match.





Now all of the players of "gully cricket" know what is "First Over, Last Batting" rule: The bowler who bowls the first over goes in to bat last. The best batsmen are usually openers, followed by mediocre ones making up the middle. So, even though the opening bowler is all-rounder, he is relegated to take strike last.



So, the captain walks on the ground with 12 runs needed off 3-odd overs, and 1 wicket in hand (which converts to about 20 runs in 10 runs with 3-4 wickets in hand in ODI). Easy, right? All the other batsman (who was batting from middle order) had to do is to take a run and give the better one strike. Or stay put for 2 balls and let the "over-crossing" do his work for him.



1st ball: A mighty blow... caught in the deep.



Result: we won by 11 runs, with 3.2 overs to go... The captain (who was the best player for the job at the moment) has walked back and forth from the pitch within 2 minutes (faster than Maggie or Saurav Ganguli of last year), without facing a ball (unlike Ganguli of last year), and cursing his luck and his team.





Technorati Tags: cricket, jokes

Kissa KCricket Ka Part I

Sorry for that Karan KJoharsque mistake (can't call myself KEkta Kapoor, can I?)



While thinking about and writing the Summer tag (thanks Silverine), I realised that there were many reasons we played cricket. Who says we can only "enjoy" watching cricket? Playing it not just fun, but "fun".



Now, all who have played cricket on a big ground with a small group knows the value of "borrowed" fielder. Normally placed as wicket-keeper (mostly to retrieve wides), if the ground is big enough or team size is small enough, this member can be placed in more prominent positions.



Once, finding ourselves in such a position, we borrowed the best fielder from opposing team (their captain) and placed him somewhere between square-leg and mid-wicket. And within the first two balls, the ball was tracing a aerial trajectory with the speed of a particularly lazy snail towards him.





Now, the "borrowed" man always faces a dilemma. If you have some moral sense, you try particularly hard not to get called a cheater, and try to catch/field even the impossible balls, even though it goes against your "team spirit" (which is why you tell your team mates not to hit the ball in your direction). But moral or not, it is impossible to drop a ball which you can catch without moving a step. Score: 1/1.



I seriously think watching your team-mate field near your gives you a sense that this is a net practise, not a match. Because within next two overs, all 4 of the batsmen had almost literally dropped what we called "lollies" in their captain's lap. Score 10/4.



Cursing his luck (and his team-mates), the captain took the strike, and I replaced him from my favourite point position. I think you must have guessed by now what happened next?



Within next 3 deliveries, the ball was again traversing the now-familiar trajectory towards my waiting hands. Talk about "team spirit".



P.S. This marks century of posts on "Talons"...



Technorati Tags: jokes, cricket

This Week by Fleiger- April 8

It's statistics time at Aerie as the blogs follow NSE index. A scoop makes future look bright.



Those stories plus a surprise announcement, coming after the break... This is Adler, welcome to this week's edition of "This Week by Fleiger"...

This part of the program brought to you by Silverine, the topmost referrer for "Adlergedanke"

Who doesn't like to look at nice statistics? Well, the numbers are in for the month of March, and there's a good news. "Adlergedanke experienced the most traffic this month, and broke 500 figure. Even the figures for 'Talons' are very good. Of course, April and May are going to be busy months at Aerie, but we are pretty sure that we can get to our target of 750 this quarter," said an obviously excited spokesperson.



And the people at Aerie are sure looking like they will get there. In a surprising scoop, this week saw the famous "Silverine" joining the list of writers (the list already containing illustrious names) at the newsblog, "Khabari LOL". Though it is reported that she has currently joined as a freelancer, "we are pretty sure that we can convince her to join full time very soon", said the spokesperson in answer to the question.



And that was not the only surprising news this week. Stay tuned, we will be back after this short break...

This part of the program brought to you by "Sid", the top referrer for "Talons..."

Today, in a packed press-conference, the director at Aerie, Fleiger announced a new site, "Eagle Writes" which will be the main portal for the institute soon. Though the site is "in pre-beta stage" according to Fleiger, it is expected to contain all the stories, books and other major content the institute has and will develop. "We are opening it to public so that we can get reviews/feedbacks in parallel with development. Of course, the site does not have any feedback mechanism installed yet, but leave comments on any of our blogs," announced Fleiger.



So, go ahead and visit the site... And don't forget to leave me feedback for this show. This is Adler, signing off till next week...

Heard Before The Exam

Real conversation which took place just before the exam today:

"Can I have extra credit because it is my b'day today?"
"Can I have extra credit because it is her b'day today?"
"I will give everybody extra credit, how does that sound to you?"
"Sounds delicious..."
"Sounds delicious like a cake..."
"But cake does not sound delicious. I mean, it does not have trumpets and all calling, I'm delicious."

Missed some part here, I was trying to study for a change you know. And it is hard to study while thinking of cakes with blaring trumpets, and keep track of everything being said around you (Got only 2 ears)

"Are there any words which sound delicious?"
"Shampoo..."
"Right... shampoo sounds delicious"
"All the words except Russian words sound delicious..."

Exam pressure? What's that???

Technorati Tags: jokes

It Had To Happen...

Two controversies. Two results. None unpredictable. One should be celebrated, the other will be.



Know what I am talking about?

• As all the Chess players and chess followers across the world knew, this had to happen sometime. I mean, given Viswanathan Anand's talent and record (as far as I remember, he is pretty consistent with one or two bad patches), it was more of a question "When" than "Will he".
  
  And after the Linares controversy is over, what matters is that Anand has achieved top spot in FIDE rankings.
  
  Now, I know this news will be interesting to only a small percentage of people in India, and more than probably will be drowned out by the other news... But here's to Anand, and may he remain in the position for a long time to come...



• After the recent World Cup performance, (on which I am not going to comment as per my vow) and all the controversies after that, it was just a question of time when this was going to happen. And I am thinking that probably right now, many people are celebrating that Chappell has resigned from his position.
  
  No further comments on that matter from my side...



• And while we are on the subject of Cricket and coaches, I was always under the impression that unlike Basketball or Football (the one played with foot and the one where you hold the ball and run), the role of coach was pretty limited once the team went on the ground to field, and the captain essentially took over.
  
  I mean, can anybody tell me why the captain should retire or be blamed after a bad team performance, if coaches are virtual masters of the team, as this seems to imply?

Technorati Tags: cricket, world cup, chess

Fount of Knowledge Part IV

When I posted the chapter excerpt for "Fleiger and The Art of Computer Maintenance" last week, Sid and Iyersir replied with suggestions to include some more keys (which I had thought of being specific to software engineers, and not for general public). When I thought about it, I realised that even general bloggers and forum-dwellers have to be educated about those keys. So, here's the addition to the chapter:

4. Ctrl key: (Normally used with "a", "c" and "v" keys) Two such keys are placed on either side of your keyboard. This probably explains why these shortcut keys are used so extensively by every software engineer. You can also use them in your blogs and forums to "quote" somebody or reply to selective parts of the comments you get. Of course, like all good things (except maybe chocolates, books and one or two such things) too much use can result in bad results.
   Let's again take the example of public speaking, shall we? (The proper answer to this is "yes sir" or "do let's") If you stand on the podium on 15th Aug, and start quoting parts from the "Freedom at Midnight" or "Gettysburg", people will applaud. But if you start giving the entire speech, you will be heckled unless it is a competition to memorise famous speeches.


5. Del key: (and backspace) As the name suggests, this is used to delete the (type-)written word. Again, excess use will result in an empty post, but judicious use is useful for correcting your grammar, spelling and improve/change the posts you have already written if you change your mind about something. There is also one more important use I want to tell you about. You can use this key as a "counting to 10" key. Say you want to write something inflammatory, spam somebody or shoot a hate mail to somebody. Write it, so that the hate is out of your system, then instead of hitting Send, hit this key (or backspace, based on position) and delete the entire thing. You know, no hate, no regret. Peace rules...


6. Alt key: Again, this key (normally) exists in duplicates. Used with "F4", this key is your friend in need. Say your boss walks in on you while you are writing/reading a blog, or doing something you are not supposed to do on your machine. Hit this combo, and all is well. You are very angry about something somebody has written, and the "Del" key is not enough to drain your anger. Hit it, and the offending material is out of your sight. All in all, friend indeed...


7. Of course, any discussion on keys is never complete without the Grand Universal Combination, "Ctrl-Alt-Del". Like "Alt-F4", this is your friend in need. But while "Alt-F4" is at best a bunker-buster, this combination is known as "The H-Bomb" of all combinations. But of course, desperate times (you boss/wife/gf walks in while you are "stuck" on an unwanted website, or maybe just closing the window is not enough to fully purge your rightful wrath) call for desperate key-strokes...

Again, as I said before, all these keys are your friends. But just as you like your friends to take bath everyday, keeping your keys from getting stuck is necessary, if you want people to like you (and after all, why else are you on the web?). Remember that "too much of anything is bad" and "cleanliness is necessary for politeness" (or something like that).

And don't take my advise too literally. Your computer will not like to take a "bath" in water, or any fluid for that matter.

Have I missed anything? Want me to include/change anything? Leave a comment and I will consider...

This Week by Fleiger

After finishing with all "desi" ones, the detective series takes a break (What is the future of the series?)... "Adlergedanke" celebrates its second b'day ("Where are all the presents?" we ask)

These stories, and more, coming after the break... This is Adler, welcome to this week's edition of "This Week by Fleiger"...

This part of the program brought to you by "Fleiger's Shared Items", the box displaying best posts read by Fleiger...

In today's main news: after writing about all the famous "desi jasoos", the series is taking a break. "The break will allow us some time to collect data about future series, which will include either 'Kids' or 'Foreign' ones", said the spokesperson in a statement issued today. The decision will be based on a poll, which is expected to be posted on the site very soon.

Meanwhile, in a related news, the creators of the series are also asking for comments or suggestions on the series. "If we have missed anyone you like, or if you want to write about your favourite (or most hated) "jasoos", send us the link to the article, so that we can link it in the series", the statement continued.

In other news, the "Top" posts on both the blogs continue to maintain their positions. "Adlergedanke" experienced one of the busiest weeks, but the heavy traffic failed to change the top positions.

Coming up, "New and Noteworthy", something special for the occasion. Don't go away, we will be right back...

This part of the program brought to you by "Khabari LOL", a group blog Fleiger is proud to be a part of...

Welcome back... On the occasion of second anniversary of "Adlergedanke", Fleiger will be inaugurating "This Week in History", the links to the posts you would have seen if you had visited the blog last year, the year before that, and so on. The first link is skewed a bit, because the actual "first" post Fleiger wrote is no more.

As a part of the celebrations, there is also one more "secret" change in both the blogs. "We have changed something in just 1/2 most recent posts, which will continue in all coming posts. Do tell us if you can find it", said the spokesperson before running off to party.

On that note, this is Adler signing off at "This Week by Fleiger"... For any suggestions/improvements, leave me comments. Till next week...


P.S. Remember that "This Week..." is different than the normal programming when searching for "secret change".