The Fount of Knowledge Part III

An excerpt from my upcoming book, "Fleiger and The Art of Computer Maintenance". This chapter shows how maintenance your computer is necessary to your public (or rather, web) image.

So, you have got yourself a new computer, a new blog, registered on a public forum and are ready to make an impact in today's world of Web 2.0? But keep in mind that as with any other profession/hobby, the tools of the trade must be top-notch if you want to impress other or simply get the maximum profit or fun out of the activity. Towards that end, keeping your computer spic and span is the most important thing you will do in your web experience.

Let's start with the keyboard, your "mouthpiece" on the web. As you have heard the importance of "oral hygiene" many times, I think it should not come as a surprise that I am going to talk about keeping your keys clean...

1. Caps Lock: A quite big key (mostly) placed on the left hand side, near the alphabet "A". All this makes it the key which is most likely to get stuck (how many times have you found out that you are typing something which involves "A", and find suddenly that everything you type is coming up in upper-case?). But remember, when somebody sees you comment/write something all in upper-case, they are going to be as impressed as when you stand on a podium with a large green spinach leaf in your front teeth.


2. Shift: The key below "Caps Lock", so it is often the one key which is most ignored. The key makes it possible to insert punctuation marks (see below) and make "selected" letters upper-case (key word being "selected"). This makes this key one of the most important to be used for the correct and grammatical writing. Now I am not the first person to talk about the importance of grammar, and I will not be the last. Well, just think of the difference between "he" and "He" (Hint: the same as calling the President of a company clerk).


3. Punctuation Keys: These keys (including full stop, comma, exclamation mark etc.) are spread throughout the keyboard, which makes it very hard to use if you want to type something quickly (and some of these need Shift key, making it doubly hard). But of course, as I said before, they make it easier for others to understand what you are saying, don't they? So, as much as I like the convenience of fast writing (smsese, as I have heard some people call it), doesn't somebody saying, "paneermutteraloomuttergobimutter" make you long for a menu card which tells you, "Paneer Mutter, Aloo Mutter, Gobi Mutter"?

Of course, Shift and Punctuation keys are also prone to get stuck with overuse, so it is also important to clean the keys as much as it is to use it.

Next chapter: "Grammar and Spelling: When It Is OK to Ignore Them?"

Know anything I have missed? Want me to include any more chapters/parts in the chapter? Any comments on this chapter (or any mistakes I have made)?

The book will be published as soon as my keyboard stops putting ellipsis in place of every other full-stop (which is making the book trifle long than my publishers want to pay for)...

Deathly Hallows Covers Announced...

UPDATE:changed some points based on comments

Probably the second biggest news of this year (of course, the biggest was when the date of publication was announced)... The covers for "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" are out.








(For those not able to see the images: Check this post out.)

My Thoughts?

1. The locket on the adult UK edition is definitely Slytherin's (so it is a horcrux). We haven't "seen" any other horcrux. So why this?


2. The UK children's version shows Hogwarts (think so) at the back. So Hogwarts should make at least a guest appearance, despite what the "jacket description" says (or does not say, to be precise).


3. The "jacket description" does not mention anything about the quest. In fact, I guess this is the least informative jacket ever seen on Harry Potter books.


4. Why is Ron Dobby (at least I don't think any other house-elf will help Harry so much) holding The Sword? Is the sword a horcrux after all? If not, where did they get it from and why? And why none of them are wearing school robes? Is the thing they are "spilling" from "Helga's cup"? (Looks like it, doesn't it?)


5. What is Prongs doing on the jacket?


6. The US Childrens' edition cover is highly interesting. The person Harry is facing must be is (confirmed by Scholastic) Lord Voldemort. The scenery looks almost like an arena (given the arrangement behind them) or a stage (given the drapes on two sides). Is that the "Veil Room" again? (I know the last confontration is expected to happen in Godric's Hollow, but the background doesn't look like any house to me, that's why...) Are the odd shadows in the background death-eaters? Given their expressions, is Harry "accio"ing something?

Given the history of Harry Potter on this blog, I am pretty sure this will be the end of discussion here. So please prove me wrong, and I beg all the hidden Harry Potter fans to comment...


- For I am The Great Eagle...

P.S. For more on Harry Potter, check my review of the series.

The Legend of Pinocchio

The trek to Kille Rajgad (taken up by all but one regular Knights, plus one squire) is one of the memories we knights will remember till eternity. The torrential rains, the green countryside, great locations and greatest friends made this trek one of those places/times which are mentioned every time we meet.

This was also the trek where "The Legend of Pinocchio" was born...


The Distress

This being a 2 day-trek, we carried lunch for one time, and raw materials to cook for all other meals, with the help of stove we carried. Now those of you who have used (or at least tried to use) a kerosene stove, know that lighting it is an art, the most essential tool for that being a pin to clean the holes. Of course, since the tasks were distributed, we ended up carrying 3 pins, none of which fit the stove in question.

The Knight in Split Pants to The Rescue

Those of you who are "trekkies" will know that at the camp sites with at least semi-permanent dwellings (in this case a temple), people often leave things which fellow-travellers will find useful, like extra matchboxes, a packet of kerosene, stove-pins etc. So, it fell upon us to search the nooks and crannies of the (by that time) dark temple. It was in this quest, that out guest squire in his Split Pants (dubbed so because of a wardrobe malfunction, more about it later) proved his worth.


He never returned from a round of temple pin-less. In all his rounds, he found more than a dozen pins, (often in or near the places others had looked) leaving the rest three of us (combined) behind by at least half a dozen. His exploits prompted us to dub him on the spot as "Sir Pin-occhio, The Seeker of Pins", a name which he proudly carries to date (or at least, we persist in calling him that).

Of course, as all the followers of Saint Murphy would guess, none of those pins would fit the stove, and we had to cut our trip short, spending remaining time on milk-powder added to cold water and raw maggie noodles.



- For I am The Great Eagle...

P.S. For mre about "Knights of The Round Table", click on "Round Table" in the "Labels" links.

This Week by Fleiger

Planning to make this into a weekly series, where you can get information about the changes I've made on my blogs in that week and other interesting happenings. So, without further ado,

*introductory music*

• Template Changes: As I said before, I have changed both of my blogs into 3-column templates and introduced "post-summary". Also, details of the recent comments will be shown in sidebar from now on. The results are awaited. For other changes, check this post out.


• Request: I'm still not completely satisfied with the current template. Any suggestions for a nice templates, where I can put the "Contact info", "Top of..." etc. in a prominent position?

*Commercial break*

• Jasoos series: The series continues to grow. I have also added that links to the series in my "I wrote..." page.


• Poll: Do you think adding links to websites or Wikipedia articles about the detectives in the series would be better? If yes, please to vote in the poll in left sidebar or leave a comment.


• Tops: The "Top Of..." section is proving to be interesting. I didn't know that the top 2 articles in my main blog contribute about 7% of the entire traffic on my blog. So as I said, even though there is a stiff competition between those two, they have left others far behind, which means there will be very few changes at the "Top".

*Special music*

• Coming up: My main blog's second b'day is coming up. Any suggestions for a nice gift to a 2-yr old blog?

- For I am The Great Eagle...

A Joke, Renewed

As I said, there is a new twist to the old joke (So don't hit me before reading the entire thing).

A German, a Japanese and an Indian, decide to show off their country's achievements.

The German produces a perfect working model of a Porsche. The Japanese adds a great electronic navigation and remote-control system to the car.

The Indian scratches his head for some time, and then sticks a "Made in India" tag to the remote and the car.

Just when the German and Japanese are looking daggers at the triumphant Indian, a Chinese guy gives each of them a perfect copy of the car (right down to the tag), and tells them, "Keep it, I already sold 300 of these for hundredth of your price."

I guess the joke must be told like this henceforth, because this must count as a "Height of Counterfeiting" (hey, there is another joke for you).


- For I am The Great Eagle...

SuperMom

A public service post

Seen at Dulles International Airport, a way to keep a close watch on your kids (Ages 5-8)...


It was a surprising sight for all of us when a 6-yr old girl bowed in front of her mom, which prompted everybody to call the mother "Super Mom" (and somebody to tell the mom to "enjoy it while it lasts").

Later near the baggage claim area, we got to see how the status can be achieved.

Apparatus: Your kid, a portable CD-player (iPod or MP3 players may work)

Procedure:
1. Put your kid's favourite CD in the CD player.
2. Give him/her the headphones.
3. Keep the CD player in your hand, and keep your kid close without it getting obvious or the kid getting resentful.


- For I am The Great Eagle...

P.S. If the mom is reading this, public is going to thank you for this tip.

Re-Mona, Re-Lilly and so on...

Karamchand got new Kitty (OK, that does not prove my point, let me try again…) Loyan will get a new Mona Darling and not-silly Lilly (Will get? Still not the point, so let me start again…) Don got new Anita, and Kamini too (Finally…). Gabbar is going to watch a new “Mehbooba”. So I thought it better to get myself a 1985 (ke aas-pass) ka latest model (Calculate the age, then you will get it)…


Now that I have stretched the “Vamp-Revamp” metaphor to it’s limit (and some miles beyond that), let me tell you what I meant to say is that I have revamped my blogs.

1. 3–column template: Now, I don’t want to brag… Oh, who am I kidding, I want to brag: it took me about 30 minutes… for both my blogs… including 2 min coffee break… and some remodeling to get it just right.


2. Peekaboo: Every post on the blog will have a small post summary visible, which will let me put more posts on the home page and let people read any post they like out of that. Which should help me improve my “advertising” skills and (at least in theory) give me more “hits” (the hits have gone down in last 2–3 days). This was prompted by somebody telling me a typical person spends not more than 96 seconds on any page reading.


3. Babel fish: So that you can see my blog in Japanese, Nikichan, among other languages (but don’t tell me if something is wrong, I don’t know Japanese)


4. Top Posts: Both my blogs have links to Top 5 posts on the blog (“Eagle’s Top Thoughts” and “Top on Talons”), which will be updated every week. (But some posts are way ahead of competition, so don’t expect too many changes in coming weeks)

Coming soon:

• I have updated the list of books and series I have read in “My Book Reviews” list, and the links will be updated as and when I finish the reviews.


• The “Detective” series goes on…


• There will be some polls on the blogs which will let you (my readers) tell me which book review you would like me to write. (Or maybe a “Coming Soon” list till then)


• I am looking for ideas to improve “Book(?)…err Scale” and its use.

Any more ideas for me to plan a grand party for my main blog’s coming second b’day?



- For I am The Great Eagle...

P.S. Try saying “Re-Lilly” fast out loud 10 times

Bheeshmpratidnya

Main apne laptop pe haath rakh ke kasam khata hoon ki:

• I will not comment on India's performance in Cricket World Cup 2007. (Unless of course, India is winning or losing spectacularly)


• Given the long list of book reviews yet to be written, I will not read any new books or start any new book series till I have finished the backlog. (On second thoughts, till I have finished my exams. On third thoughts, that's too long, so no new book till I have made serious inroads in the backlog.)

And if I break any of these promises, let my net connection give me worse than dial-up performance, and let my backup hard disk crash. (I cannot imagine my laptop crashing)

Also, check out the new "Detectives" series on my main blog. Anybody who can tell me where the title of that post comes from gets to tell me what my next post should be about (from given topics, obviously).


- For I am The Great Eagle...

The Fount of Knowledge Part II

These being the words of The Great Eagle... Second in the series of the posts which will reveal the true meaning of life, and provide the "Definite Answer" you are seeking in this mortal universe. Following the advice in these posts will be advantageous in this and next life (we are carrying out studies to compile a proper list of "Things You Will Get").


As every other "Enlightened One" will tell you, the morals of today's generation are slipping. The people are getting selfish, egocentric, even vain and are not thinking about others...

But what others will not tell you is that where does this selfishness comes from... (which means I am going to tell you now, you ignorant ones)

The root of all this evil is in our TV serials and movies. We have all heard of how TV is "idiot box" and how the adultery and violance in those serials and movies is affecting today's kids. But evils of tvils and movils, sorry TV and movies go much deeper than just that...

I mean, we have movie titles like "Hum Aapke Dil Mein Rahte Hain" and TV serials named "Banoo Main Teri Dulhan", "Tulsi Tere Aangan Ki"... And this "maan na maan, main tera mehman" message is what the young generation is watching on the TV.

So, to avoid this, I am going to request all the producers to start using polite questions like, "Kya Hum Aapke Dil Mein Rah Sakte Hain?" and "Kya Main Aapki Dulhan Ban Sakti Hoon?" (I mean, at least give the poor guy a choice, he is going to get married you know)

This also has a further advantage for all the TRP-loving producers that all the titles will start with K (and you know what that means in terms of TRP). Call it "fleigerology".

Which means I will also start getting visits from the producers, not just the "general public". Seems my ERP just went up...


- For I am The Great Eagle...

S.P. 1. All the titles in this post are spelled using fleigerologically correct hinglish spellings. No numerology stuff for me...
2. ERP = Enlightenment Rating Points (more about this later)

Bollywood Bites VI

Bollywood bites... once more:

• I know Gracy Singh is MFA (that's Missing From Acting) for quite some time now, but this from the same newsite which uses the terms "Gandhigiri" and "Jaadu ki jhappi" is somewhat surprising, isn't it?


• I really want to go page by page on this article, but there is a not so distant chance that I may run out of adjectives and comments to use. So I will just stick to bare minimum:
  
  
  
  • Somebody should have read out loud the pet-name they are using for Fardeen Khan at least one, and they would have dropped it faster that "Pyaare-Mohan" dropped on the box office. Or is there a hidden comment in there?
  
  
  • Is blaming extra hairspray for a "stiff upper lip" of a girl really paying her a compliment?
  
  
  • Does "almost stealing the show" mean getting the best seats? And I am not so versed with celebritese, but isn't "almost" kind of a bad thing?
  
  
  • "Extra loud cackle"? Reminds me more of Hecate than Shetty... Oh brother, really!!!
  
  
  • When you say ABC is the brightest something and add that he is a close second to XYZ, doesn't it kind of lose the meaning?
  
  
  • Did Amar Singh give up his award next day when he said this?
  
  
  • Is it just me or do the "awards" mentioned at the top of pages remind of "The Dundies"?
  
  
  • "Dearies", "Darlings", "Hons" and "Hyuk Hyuk" in the same article? It is as I feared. I have finally run out of something to say...
  
  

- For I am The Great Eagle...

P.S. Still can't think of anything to say

Newsblast #4

4th in the n-part series of getting blasted by "news"

• The last time Indians blasted bombs in India, we were fighting oppressive foreign rule. And even then, I don't think any Indian died in that. So, why is this worth a news?


• If I am not mistaken, does it say 'chief girlfriend' in this article next to the picture? I know it is hard to pry your eyes away from the picture, but humour me for a moment (maybe that's why I am making the mistake)... G-in-C? Just put that headline out, and any satellites watching from the sky would see a green earth. (50% will envy the guy on right, 50% will envy the girl's figure on left)
  Also, doesn't the headline kind of precludes the last line of the article?


• Sometimes, news website with hyperlinked headlines cause unintentional newsblasts... Like when Rediff had reviews of movies "Lee" and "Bhupathi" on their front page. (Finally somebody is talking about the tennis duo).


• But it also results in the headlines like "India refutes United Nation 'racist' charge" and "Rajputs torch Dalits' houses in Karnal village" next to each other. Of course, the news items have very little to do with each other, except that the first is about caste system and second about its effects, but somehow it seems weird to read the two headlines one after another.

- For I am The Great Eagle...


P.S. That's all...