Ye Dilli Hai Mere Yaar

Dilli (or Delhi for the English readers out there) for me, till now, is just a stop on my way to somewhere: An afternoon spent at the bus station on the way to Manali, a night and half-day spent on Hazrat Nizamuddin platform on the way back, when we missed our original train(It’s a long story: our bus was slow, and then the cops caught us for speeding. And that was just 2 events). And then an evening and night at the Indira Gandhi International airport when my flight to Paris was delayed by 6-7 hours. (Do you see a pattern here? Not sure, just checking…)

Not to mention the annual reports of airport closing due to fog, and the heat in summer.

So basically, Delhi 6 was a revelation for the ignorant me. Apart from many other things, I learnt that Dilli is a mehfil and a mastaanon ki basti (I should agree, if only from a foodie point of view. That aloo paratha and lassi was…).

But then I had another big surprise waiting for me today. Half-asleep, I plugged in my iPod in the bus, and the song started,

Iske baayein taraf bhi dil hai
Iske daayein taraf bhi dil hai

Never knew Dilli was a Time Lord. Now where’s that Doctor guy?

Billu Censored

We all know the fun times Censor Board brings us. The <PING> and <PEEEP> at strategic places have sometimes provided more entertainment than the actual dialog would provide. Kinda like how the fig leaf works, I guess. (I mean, we all know what naughty bits are covered there.)

e.g. Yesterday, I was watching Billu Barber. Now, we are all aware of the controversy created by the name, and how they solved it. And then I came across the song:

Billu se bada hajjaam naahi re
Saari duniya mein aisa kono naam naahi re (as heard on screen)

All this time, I was under the impression that they were applying layers and tonnes of maska to Billu in that song. Turns out, they were just going for some public roasting.

Like I told my friend, the song should have come with a P.S.: Knowledgeable persons should feel free to fill in the blanks.

And then I came acorss this:

Kisi raja maharaja ka raju raju kehke bulaoge ka?
Yeh Billua ko Hajjaam naahi
Barber keh kar bulaao
Barber aur voh bhi ijjat se
Billu Barber, samjhe ke naahi!

Priceless!

Horn OK Please

I have talked about the new Aamir Khan hairstyle previously on this blog, but that was before I saw this photo:


I am a bit confused about why the writing:

1. Aamir has so buffed up for the role, that he needs a license to go out on the road. And given the "messages" and mobile number etc. on his body, he seems to be registered (and decorated) as a truck. (Did you think he would go for such standard messages as "buri nazar waale tera mooh kala"?)


2. He recently emerged from a crash with a truck, which his muscles helped him survive. Jerry would agree with me:
   
   

Sister To?

So, I am reading this article on "Rare combos of Bollywood", and I find myself asking a whole lot of questions.

1. How do you become veteran without having a lot of experience? Isn't "two veterans have been there since ages" slightly redundant?


2. What is "Numbero Uno"?


3. When is a film "under making" and when is it "under production"?


4. How is somebody a "sister to" a person, as against somebody's sister?

On to page 2 now...

The Actor or The Snack...

...which one do you think came first?

Perhaps this explains why I heard some ladies talking about Om Puri(/di?) being tasty recently (and they were not so old either). Phew!

AB is for Ayyar B

You may have already read my comments on Chandrakanta the novel (if you haven't, there's a not-so-subtle link in there). But still I believe, ironing out the "dated" parts, any movie or TV serial can be made very interesting if it remains loyal to the storyline (which the original TV serial did not).

Why did I bring this up? A new movie from Vidhu Vinod Chopra starring Big B is coming up. But I will reserve my judgement till I see it.

Because the movie is "inspired by Chandrakanta", and not based on it (the trailer confirms it, since the novel doesn't have any direct "wars", neither does it take place in english-speaking world).

Because the last movie from VVC with Big B is "Eklavya".

And then, there's the trailer:



I rest my case...

I Am Happy

It's nice when a famous Bollywood director listens to your ideas...

Rated R

Rani Mukherjee "punished" in a classroom setting for "cheating"... If you think you know where that is going (don't hide that, I know most of you know what I meant), you are mistaken.

But don't worry. She did make out up with the teacher towards the end.



P.S. While we are on the subject of "news": I am not completely knowledgeble about Marxism, but isn't "Marxist Boss" kind of oxy-moronic? (You may have to go to Rediff homepage to see the headline)

Hair-raising Déjà vu

Just saw the latest hairstyle sported by Aamir Khan. Where have I seen something like this before?

Oh yes, got it...

I would be ashamed...

One of the "top" 3 stories on Indian Express Movies page is:

Big B unveils Bhootnath
After romancing young heroines, Big B will now be seen with a child artist.

I sincerely hope that the movie is not what the summary implies.

Don't Sue Me

Not implying anything here, but imagine the scenario:

A man, X, carries a man, Y to hospital, saying that he found Y dying on the road. Y dies in the hospital, and 20 years later, X's son bears a strong resemblance to Y.

If I was a criminal investigator, and I found that X is taking this thing quietly, my antennae would perk up.




P.S. Watched me some "Om Shanti Om" over the weekend finally. Yet to decide if it is a over-acted movie or a good satire. Given that some actors in the movie are known for their acting, I am leaning towards second choice.

P.P.S. Deepika Padukone looks wow.

Bollywood Bites XIII

a.k.a. Not just bites, it hurts...


OK people, as you know, I promised, and tried to keep my promise (but I failed). Now Bollywood has pushed me over the edge...

Remember the so-called "Wedding of The Century"? The event where media bombarded us with the weirdest and most unimportant "news" and "specials"? Where the event occupied so much of the screen time that anything else was drowned out?


If all the spotlight (and unnecessary information) was not enough, in true tradition of Bollywood (read: rare movies based on original subjects), the "event" has inspired a movie, which has pushed me to break my promise, yet again.

The only reason I could watch the movie would be if the originals play their screen characters. I am steering light-years away from any theatre showing the movie with the imitations... I dare to ask what information/storyline/events which we don't already know will make the movie interesting.


And this is a week where Bollywood not just bites me, it irks me no end... I guess putting the word "Gandhigiri" on notice was not enough. I am now starting a worldwide protest to ban the word altogether. And I am sure to get the followers in all the people who have watched/known about the great play known as "Gandhi vs. Gandhi" and the great actors who starred in it.


P.S. Find more Bollywood Bites here...


Technorati Tags: bollywood, bachchan, movie, gandhigiri, gandhi

Bollywood Bites XII

a.k.a. Sab kuch ulta-pulta...


I wasn't sure, but Himesh Reshmmiya admitting (at least twice that I know of) publicly that he sings through his nose was a kind of an indication of things to come. It seems everything Bollywood (and Bollywood fans/observers) assumed to be constant is turning on its head. In short, Bollywood is turning on its collective head.


If you don't believe me, tell me it is not the same Emraan Hashmi who not less than 6 weeks gave us bites like "being a skirt-chaser is normal" and is now saying that he is "really sick of kind of roles" he was doing. An epiphany in so short a time? Meanwhile, do tell me why we should not call him Emesh Heshmmia given his new "looks". I mean, he is just a cap away from starting to sing through his nose...

And I would have thought that a car going by the name of daughter of the designer of engines should have a feminine voice, right? Or is it that Amitabh can do female voices, too?




Technorati Tags: bollywood, himesh reshmmiya, emraan hashmi, amitabh bachchan

Bollywood Bites XI

a.k.a. Why "Partner"?





If you head over to Adlergedanke, the "This Week in History" column lists a not-exactly-a-review of the movie "Hitch" for this week in 2005. So, I was not a bit surprised to see that David Dhawan is "inspired" by the Will Smith-starrer I liked.





Now, I have got nothing against inspiration, unless it is shoddy and is used as a substitute for original thought. What I mean to say is that, if there are enough "original" moments in "inspired" movies to mark them as good ones, I will watch them (e.g. "Awara Pagal Deewana" is not so bad). But, I do have some questions/comments about the movie:

• Given the story lines of the movie, why would Indiatimes put a "question mark" at the end of title? Is this another in the growing cases of abuse of the "question mark"? (For those wondering what I mean, google for "Jon Stewart comments on question mark" and watch the video)



• The jury is still out on what will be more entertaining: Watching Govinda give "date advise" to his clients or watching him try and do the "pizza dance" as an rank rookie.



• Which is why I think they must have gone for matching sizes while casting.



• However I hate people lifting scenes directly out of Hollywood originals, I fervently hope they retain "Pizza dance", or at least make it into something similar. ("Paratha dance" anyone?)



• At the same time, I am prettty sure even David Dhawan is not brave enough to retain the famous "kissing training scene".



• Or is that why the film is named "Partner"? Do they mean "that" partner? Now, that would be an original twist in the tale...

Whatever happens, I am ready to reserve my judgement till I see the movie, given the original and the people involved in the "inpired" desi version.





Technorati Tags: bollywood, david dhawan, hitch, govinda

Bollywood Bites X

a.k.a. "Whoa" indeed...

If my eyes are not deceiving me (and I don't have a reason to believe they are), there's only one conclusion to be drawn from this: Not content with attacking our eardrums, The Nose is out to annihilate the English language now.

What else can explain the title (I hope that's how it's spelled even now) of his Moviee (believe me, that's not misspelled)?


At first glance, I think the title is wrecking havoc among the english vowels. I frankly believe the vowels were out there playing hide-and-seek when the movie title was chosen. Or maybe, they were trying to hide from his singing when they were caught and thrown mercilessly on the poster. Or maybe, the other alphabets have risen against "e" for being the most common alphabet.

Maybe it is time to launch a worldwide drive to save the vowels and get them their rightful places among words. Society for Promotion of Vowelish Welfare anyone?

In any case, the title along with the pictures make me believe that The Nose is out to fight the English language in a ye olde Bajaj auto. Beware Bond, and don't forget to stock up on your earplugs (noise-cancelling earphones would work too).

P.S. Click here for rest of "Bollywood Bites" series.

Technorati Tags: bollywood, himesh reshammia, movies, hindi

Bollywood Bites IX

a. k. a. Roti, Kapda, Makaan aur...



This interview by the Emraan "I-must-have-kissed-more-than-20" Kissmi, apart from giving me a healthy dose of inferiority complex, did open my eyes to one or two important things I have been missing in my life.



But that is not all. I have also found out that far from being a "well-adjusted" person I thought I was, I have also been depraved of one of the most basic needs of man.





For one, if "being a skirt-chaser is normal", I need a heavy dose of ye olde soul-searcher for being such an abnormal person till now. I mean, I want to be a "normal, well, adjusted" human being after all. But being a novice, a small voice in the back of my mind (called SVIBOMM from now on) keeps asking "Normal for what species?" and "What kind of skirts can we chase? Those on clothes-lines or those on display windows in shops?" and "Does chasing mini-skirts count as a crime against minor?" (Any help in this direction would be appreciated).



And then, for all those who thought getting "roti, kapda aur makaan" (food, clothes and shelter, for Bollywood-ignorant amongst you) and maybe some nice cars and gadgets was enough to fulfil all your needs, this Prophet of Kisses has an eye-opener. (Check out the last line on this page for details)



Now, SVIBOMM continues, "How do we know when we have fulfilled this need?", "Can we count 'abstinence' as a kind of weapon on the same level as hunger strike?" and most important of all, "If UNO and charitable institutes help the people who can't fulfil their needs like food, are there any organisations who help p&*#-depraved?"





P.S. Click "Bollywood Bites" for other posts in this series.



Technorati Tags: bollywood, emraan hashmi, porn,

Bollywood Bites VIII

a.k.a. "Makad Manav 3, Bhojpuri ma" (Spider-Man 3 in Bhojpuri, for Bhojpuri-challenged)

Not strictly a Bollywood news, but it seems Spider-Man 3 is being released across India dubbed in all Indian languages and dialects. And seems one of those languages is Bhojpuri. This video, along with the news just made my day (or rather, I will be laughing in my sleep now). "amar tera badala lekar rahin, Peter"... Really...


I have never been a dubbed movie fan. My earliest *shudder* moment with dubbing can be traced back to Alan Grant shouting "woh dekho badi chhipkali!" (sorry guys, translating that to english will just take away all the fun), and since then I run away faster than a speeding ornithomimid from any theatre showing dubbed movie.

Now, before any puter lycopersica (-cums?) come my way, I am (perhaps too) proud of my mother tongue Marathi, and don't think every single person should know English. So, while I don't begrudge the people who don't understand English listening to Spider-Man say, "Hum makad manav hain, ud kar aayab aur tohar tetuwa dabaa deb (I'm Spiderman, I'll fly to you and throttle you)", don't get angry when my reaction is


While we are on the subject of Makad Manav, I think they took the "Makad" part too seriously. Which is why the movie created in Bhojpuri a la Spider-Man is named "Bajrangi", with the hero being blessed with superpowers by Hanuman (maakad = monkey in Marathi).

And while we are still on the subject, given the dark themes of Spider-Man 3, I am not at all surprised to know Makad Manav also moonlights as Gabbar (the actor who gives his voice to Spidey is also acting as Gabbar in Bhojpuri Sholey).

P.S. In today's world of Information superhighway and all, I am not surprised that a website promises me the review of "Spider-Man 4", a movie which is "in production" according to IMDB.

P.P.S. Click "Bollywood Bites" for other posts in this series.


Technorati Tags: bollywood, spiderman, bhojpuri, dubbing, India

Bollywood Bites VII

First came ved and upnishad (which are "sung" in their original format). Then came shayari and many other forms of music. Then came the musicals (marathi musicals and their stars are famous).



Given the glorious tradition of Indian music and dance forms, it was but natural that the original Indian movie-makers would add song-and-dance sequences to their movies. Thus started the tradition of Indian song fests (with upto 14 songs in one movie. Remember, that's songs, not soundtracks)





When people started getting bored, the directors added "bonus" sightings in their movies, in the form of "item songs". Catering to the so-called front-seaters in the theatres (which are so different from front-benchers in the schools in their behaviour and expectations, but I digress), the item songs also provided an added incentive for people to watch the movies, in the form of their favourite attractive actors (the gender-neutral noun now being appropriate) even if just for 5 minutes or less.



But, it seems now people are not content with watching one actor dancing to a feet-tapping number. Or maybe, it is a very good strategy on the part of director, that almost every person who watches Bollywood movies will get to see their favourite star in this song. I mean, out of 30 actors in a song, every movie-goer should have at least one actor whom he/she likes to watch, right?



Update: I was almost sure that this news was really big enough for "International Herald Tribune" to report, but then I read the word "astronomers" and knew that it was something else (though equally newsworthy).





While we are on the subject of Bollywood, is it only me or does this headline suggest that Suniel (have I missed any e's or i's here?) Shetty is competing with Shakti Kapoor for the recipient of the dialog, "Bhagwan ke liye muze chhod do"?



Click "Bollywood Bites" for other posts in this series.

Technorati Tags: bollywood, actors, songs, suniel shetty

Bollywood Bites VI

Bollywood bites... once more:

• I know Gracy Singh is MFA (that's Missing From Acting) for quite some time now, but this from the same newsite which uses the terms "Gandhigiri" and "Jaadu ki jhappi" is somewhat surprising, isn't it?


• I really want to go page by page on this article, but there is a not so distant chance that I may run out of adjectives and comments to use. So I will just stick to bare minimum:
  
  
  
  • Somebody should have read out loud the pet-name they are using for Fardeen Khan at least one, and they would have dropped it faster that "Pyaare-Mohan" dropped on the box office. Or is there a hidden comment in there?
  
  
  • Is blaming extra hairspray for a "stiff upper lip" of a girl really paying her a compliment?
  
  
  • Does "almost stealing the show" mean getting the best seats? And I am not so versed with celebritese, but isn't "almost" kind of a bad thing?
  
  
  • "Extra loud cackle"? Reminds me more of Hecate than Shetty... Oh brother, really!!!
  
  
  • When you say ABC is the brightest something and add that he is a close second to XYZ, doesn't it kind of lose the meaning?
  
  
  • Did Amar Singh give up his award next day when he said this?
  
  
  • Is it just me or do the "awards" mentioned at the top of pages remind of "The Dundies"?
  
  
  • "Dearies", "Darlings", "Hons" and "Hyuk Hyuk" in the same article? It is as I feared. I have finally run out of something to say...
  
  

- For I am The Great Eagle...

P.S. Still can't think of anything to say

Bollywood Bites V

Now that Hrithik Roshan has got "Best Actor in Leading role (Male)" award in Filmfare(s?), don't you think Abhishek and/or Uday should have got (at least) nominations for "Best Actor in Negative Role"? Would have been a tough fight for Saif...

Now I know why I didn't appreciate the movie that much. I had got my basics wrong. So stupid of me (imagine me hitting my open palm on my forehead, yahoo messenger users can refer to the emoticon "#-o")

And that counts pretty high on the "Topmost offenses a Bollywood film fan can commit" list. The punishment is watching all the Chopra camp movies, followed by all Karan Johars. (Hopefully I won't get the repeat offenders punishment of watching all the evening soaps from 7.30 to 12 on Star for one week). I need a lawyer, or I will start ktalking kin K's...

- For I am The Great Eagle...