That Life and Art thingie, again

Von Bork pushed over a telegram.

"Will come without fail to-night and bring new sparking plugs. Altamont."

"Sparking plugs, eh?"

"You see he poses as a motor expert and I keep a full garage. In our code everything likely to come up is named after some spare part. If he talks of a radiator it is a battleship, of an oil pump a cruiser, and so on. Sparking plugs are naval signals."

- His Last Bow, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Now reading this, I can think of only 2 options:

1. Somebody in ISI read “His Last Bow” and came up with brilliant idea for ciphers.
2. Somebody in ISI read “His Last Bow” and came up with brilliant idea to mislead everybody else.

Which one do you prefer?

Superheroes never die…

… they are just reborn-ed.

 

On the other hand, it is hard to make a commercially successful film about a Superhero who died four years before the film, isn’t it? ;)

P.S. Does that mean Stephen Colbert has to give back the Captain’s Shield now?

I don’t have any words for this

All India Congress Committee general secretary B Hariprasad said that Congress party believes in tradition and heritage of India, and said:

The culture of a person, society or nation is measured on how they treat children, women and aged people.

He went on to say,

First he should dump Atal Bihari Vajpayee and the oldest man who is in hurry to become Prime Minister L K Advani in the Arabian sea.

I never knew that dumping our elders in sea was the Indian culture.

 

Whoops Award

It's award time again on Talons. And just when we thought the first month of 2009 would go by without a nominee presenting himself/herself, the Whoops Award for January 2009 goes to...

Barkha Dutt and NDTV team.

I think everybody on blogosphere knows the story by now. A blogger called Chaitanya Kunte wrote an article criticizing the conduct of media, specifically Barkha Dutt during the 26th November attacks. NDTV sent a legal notice to Kunte following this "utter and total rubbish" and forced him to take down the post and post an apology.

But why does this qualify for Whoops Award, you ask? NDTV team had to scramble to get down an older news story (brought to you by the magic called Google Cache) on NDTV.com which quotes the "utter and total rubbish".

Now tell me if they don't deserve the win...

 

P.S. Previous Whoops Award winners - Nov'08: Ricky Ponting, Oct'08: Adam Gilchrist and Lalu Prasad Yadav.

Say Hello To The Unending Fuel Source

3 step process to fuel your car indefinitely:

1. Turn your car or other vehicle to run on biodiesel made from body-fat.
2. Use the vehicle to get everywhere. (Little/no exercise = more body fat)
3. Liposuck and repeat.

 

 

P.S. The doctor may just have killed two birds with 14 lbs.: solution for obesity and fuel crisis.

P.P.S.  Did he take it literally when his fellow plastic surgeons were talking about “that patient who paid for my trip to Florida”?

L.P.S. I promise that is the last of post-script joke (a.k.a. PSJ a.k.a. PJ) about this topic from me.

News You Just Can’t Make Up

From Indian Express:

After a 12-hour long power cut, … on Wednesday morning all the lifts and water pump motors in their buildings started running in the reverse mode.

In short, you are running late for office, and find out that there is no water for shower (the pumps are sucking water out of overhead tank into the ground tanks). Somehow managing that, you rush into the elevator on the way to the underground garage. You get off on the terrace.

Given the date of the news, I posit somebody had a wild night.

 

 

P.S. While we are on the topic of “making” something (up), what is the meaning of: film producer starring Zaffar and Nikki?

That's all I have to say

The only thing I am thankful for this weekend is that all my friends and cousins are safe in Mumbai. And I agree it is unbelievably selfish to feel that way, but I am numb to think or say anything beyond that.

But if I had anything to say, here's what I would have said:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Mumbai Tragedy

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

word for word.

 

 

P.S. The soundtrack is completely PG-18.

Oops Award Nominees

And, nominees for this week's Whoops Award are:

• Adam Gilchrist: For mentioning in his autobiography how Australians leave hostilities on the field. He then went on to call Sachin Tendulkar dishonest and a sour loser.


• Lalu Prasad Yadav: For threatening to suspend train movement in states where rail passengers and properties are repeatedly attacked, in light of fatal attack on an UP youth in Mumbai local.

The panel is leaning towards awarding both the nominees. Got any favourites?

Update: And, Gilli is going all out to win the award.

Sister To?

So, I am reading this article on "Rare combos of Bollywood", and I find myself asking a whole lot of questions.

1. How do you become veteran without having a lot of experience? Isn't "two veterans have been there since ages" slightly redundant?


2. What is "Numbero Uno"?


3. When is a film "under making" and when is it "under production"?


4. How is somebody a "sister to" a person, as against somebody's sister?

On to page 2 now...

Won a War? So what? Did you win a reality show?

Not dissing the dead, but what has Ishmeet Singh done to earn a State Funeral? Somebody please tell me that that's a mistake, because they had to make an exception even for Field Marshal Sam Manekshaw.

So Unfair

After this, this is just so unfair.

Incidentally, I think those two inventions will never go together.

And I have already copyrighted "Got a charger?" as a pick-up line.

Also, "My cellphone is little low on battery".

Here endeth my attempt at writing cheeky posts.

Supergirl is not Indian

Supergirl (or Super-Girl) = Kara Zor-El = Kal-El's biological cousin.

If Superman romances Supergirl, that would be the main reason the film will bomb at box office.

Also, Supergirl is from Krypton, not India.

Rated R

Rani Mukherjee "punished" in a classroom setting for "cheating"... If you think you know where that is going (don't hide that, I know most of you know what I meant), you are mistaken.

But don't worry. She did make out up with the teacher towards the end.



P.S. While we are on the subject of "news": I am not completely knowledgeble about Marxism, but isn't "Marxist Boss" kind of oxy-moronic? (You may have to go to Rediff homepage to see the headline)

Charging On The Go...

Good news: girls need not switch off their cellphones due to low battery anymore. That's one excuse, for not answering the call, out the window.

Bad news: girls need not switch off their cellphones due to low battery anymore. Which means, they can now talk non-stop.

Incidentally, will the solar panels work when covered with fabric (shirts, coats etc.)? Not that I have any problem with the clothing-related restrictions this innovation might entail. You know, kuch paane ke liye and all that...



P.S. "Got a charger?" is going to be a new addition to "Top 10 Lame Pickup Lines".

P.P.S. Patent pending for the lame pickup line.

First Step...

Parting my hair on left... check.

Now if I can only get around to getting that great idea for a company, I can get into Fortune 500.

Can anyone get dumber than this

Read this one:

...people are calling up the actor to know which team to bet on. After all, Emraan does play a bookie in the film "Jannat".

I mean, really? What next? Calling Aamir Khan to drive your taxi around?

Hallows = Relics

Given that "Hallows" is not easily translated, and that Harry Potter books are translated into many languages, there's a good news for us. We now know (or at least I think) that Hallows are things, not place/places.


Since "Deathly Hallows" cannot be easily tranlated in Swedish, JKR and publishers have gives us the alternate title, "Harry Potter and the Relics of Death". So, not we know that Hallows are "relics", which means they are things, not places as we assumed.

Now, don't blame me if my dreams contain the trio tagging along with Prof. Sydney Fox and Nigel on a relic hunt. (Yes, I have been watching "Relic Hunter" lately).

P.S. Do you know anybody who has shifted back to IE from firefox? Due to some mysterious script which refuses to die, now you know (at least temperorily).

Newsblast #7

a.k.a. It's "H-allows", not "G-allows" (to be said in your best "Philosopher's Stone" Hermione accent)


First things first, it is only the mild manners of Harry Potter fans which has saved ToI columnist Indira Rodericks from any Crucio's and even Avada Kedavra's coming her way. Otherwise, I cannot think of any fitting punishment for mentioning (twice, not once, but twice) the name of HP7 as "Deathly Gallows" in the same article.

Also, regarding the news item, let me let you in on a secret regarding the "pirated script".


I have seen three or four different versions of so-called "Deathly Hallows" ebooks. Except one, even a person who hasn't heard of a person called JKR (i.e. a modern-day Robinson Crusoe, or a person who has just stepped off the spaceship from the other end of universe) can tell that these so-called "pirated books" cannot possible be written by the great author.

The only version which may confuse non-fans at the start is written as a fan-fic, actually called "Seventh Horcrux", and the author of that book is trying her best to instruct people about the fact (more power to her). So, if somebody sends you a link to a ebook called "Deathly Hallows" which sounds like written by JKR but has some *ahem* teen themes in it, remember it is called "Seventh Horcrux".

And if somebody sends you a link to a book called "Deathly Gallows", just delete it without even opening the mail, even if it is sent to you by your alter-ego, because how can the person who cannot get the name correct, get his hands on the actual book?

And I think this will be a best place to tell people about my policy for spoiler-"pirated early version" etc. kind of mails.

• First, anybody sending me a early version with a misplaced sense of anything: I might take a look at the book, and even enjoy it if it is good. But if it really turns out to be The Book later on, it will be taken as spoiler (read next point for spoiler), because though impatient to get my hands on the book, I am perfectly content to stay put till the official release date.
  


• Anybody sending me unofficial spoilers (i.e. those not given out by JKR or publishers) should better get himself a berth on the Black Pearl, as the "end of the world" will possibly be only semi-safe place for him/her (and I am not guaranteeing that he will be safe there either).

So there...

Once again folks, it is "Hallows", not "Gallows" (think Kannad if you are confused)... and I haven't seen any ebook which can touch the inimitable style of JKR yet (and won't tell you even if I find it before The DH-Day).


Technorati Tags: news, Harry Potter

Newsblast #6

a.k.a. Purana maal le lo bhai... (Or, Old News, New Comments)



Well, the old goat-footed, pointy-tailed, horned Bad Boy has come down with a heavy head cold. People in many localities are trying to recover from aerial attacks of porcine nature. Otherwise there is peace and prosperity in every corner of the earth and India is finally completely free from corruption.



Only this can account for the one piece of news I read recently.





How else can we account for the fact that India-Pakistan-South Africa series due to take place in June-July has found no sponsors? Yes, you read that correctly. India... Pakistan... Cricket... ODI series. And (sit down now), no companies coming forward to sponsor the series. What next? Ashes with no sponsors? Real Madrid and Gunners working on charity?



If the aforem. reasons are not true, there are only two things I can think of

1. The Great Indian Postal Service has finally ground to halt completely (assuming the tenders come through the Post), or somebody in Kohima or Imphal has woken up to find an avalanche of tenders in their letter-box (BCCI meets in Mumbai, remember?).



2. Nah, can't think of anything else. This point is here just because every "a" has to have a "b".

While we are on the cricket (or rather, something close to cricket), 2003 was a blouse (links appreciated), 2007 was a saree. Now, while BVIFOMM rejoices over the fact that nothing is worn over the saree (and hence we have run out of scandal clothes), SVIBOMM shudders to think what will come in 2011.





P.S. BVIFOMM: Big Voice In the Front of My Mind

SVIBOMM: Small Voice In the Back of My Mind (both pronunciations rhyme with Sweden)



P.P.S. Click "Newsblast" for more on this series.





Technorati Tags: news, cricket, World Cup, India, Pakistan

Rejoice, Ye All Fans

As July 21st approaches, All Harry Potter fans (the two active ones, two yet-to-come-out and five lurkers on this blog included) are going to be torn between two conflicting emotions. For one, last book in the Harry Potter series. That has to be is the biggest news (Amazon pre-orders confirm that), and I for one cannot wait to finish the book in one sitting, starting the moment I get my hands on it.

On the other hand, given JKR's reported desire that the series will be wrapped up so that there will be no more "sequels", apart from movies, this is The Last One. Even though I agree with JKR given the "success" (or lack thereof) of the famous characters being resurrected (except Holmes, who was brought back to life, but the nature of character didn't make it impossible like Harry Potter), this is the last book we can look forward to.

Or at least, that was the status till now...


But, now it is being reported that JKR might come true on her promise (or rather, possibility of plan) of writing something like "Hogwarts: A History". Of course, the book might not be named that, but an encyclopaedia of Harry Potter world will be... for lack of better words, The Book You Have To Buy. The book might be published for charity (like "Quiddich through the ages" and "Fantastic Beasts..."), so there is one more reason to buy it for those vacillating.

So, keep all your fingers crossed, and I promise if the book comes out, Hermione will not be the only one who has read "Hogwarts: A History".




Technorati Tags: Harry Potter, News,