Whoops Award

It's award time again on Talons. And just when we thought the first month of 2009 would go by without a nominee presenting himself/herself, the Whoops Award for January 2009 goes to...

Barkha Dutt and NDTV team.

I think everybody on blogosphere knows the story by now. A blogger called Chaitanya Kunte wrote an article criticizing the conduct of media, specifically Barkha Dutt during the 26th November attacks. NDTV sent a legal notice to Kunte following this "utter and total rubbish" and forced him to take down the post and post an apology.

But why does this qualify for Whoops Award, you ask? NDTV team had to scramble to get down an older news story (brought to you by the magic called Google Cache) on NDTV.com which quotes the "utter and total rubbish".

Now tell me if they don't deserve the win...

 

P.S. Previous Whoops Award winners - Nov'08: Ricky Ponting, Oct'08: Adam Gilchrist and Lalu Prasad Yadav.

That's all I have to say

The only thing I am thankful for this weekend is that all my friends and cousins are safe in Mumbai. And I agree it is unbelievably selfish to feel that way, but I am numb to think or say anything beyond that.

But if I had anything to say, here's what I would have said:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Mumbai Tragedy

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

word for word.

 

 

P.S. The soundtrack is completely PG-18.

Oops Award Nominees

And, nominees for this week's Whoops Award are:

• Adam Gilchrist: For mentioning in his autobiography how Australians leave hostilities on the field. He then went on to call Sachin Tendulkar dishonest and a sour loser.


• Lalu Prasad Yadav: For threatening to suspend train movement in states where rail passengers and properties are repeatedly attacked, in light of fatal attack on an UP youth in Mumbai local.

The panel is leaning towards awarding both the nominees. Got any favourites?

Update: And, Gilli is going all out to win the award.

What's the magic word?

The cricketing world knows Australians for being to the point and honest to a fault. And being True Gentlemen, they don't shy away from apologizing even if it is not their mistake. Case in point:

Gilchrist called up Sachin Tendulkar today, and has reportedly apologised saying, 'Sorry'.

See, no wasted words, no flowery language. Short, pithy and to the point. And what brought about this heart-felt apology?

Gilchrist had called Sachin Tendulkar, names like a "liar", "dishonest", "a sore loser" and a "bad sport" in his soon-to-be published autobiography "True Colors of My Life", over the Harbhajan-Symonds controversy.

Man, he is not shying away from showing his true colors, is he now? What was that about "Australians leaving it all on the field", again?

I think he will add that as an appendix to the second edition of his book. Or maybe, there will be two editions of the book (like they have alternate endings for some movies and games), one with the apology and one with the original content. That right there is how you double your book-sales (which are already going to be doubled after this, so it's really 4 times the original).

And I can truly believe Gilchrist called Sachin and "asked for an apology" as the ToI article mentions in the last para. I mean, look at the nerve of the man, not confirming to how Gilchrist saw him from behind the stumps.

P.S. If that was too biased against Gilchrist, "Sorry".

Won a War? So what? Did you win a reality show?

Not dissing the dead, but what has Ishmeet Singh done to earn a State Funeral? Somebody please tell me that that's a mistake, because they had to make an exception even for Field Marshal Sam Manekshaw.

Is This How You Sell?

So you break people's things to get them to buy through your website, and show it openly in an advertisement?

I guess that would fall under Godfather School of Negotiation...

Review?

Now let me clear one thing here, Eragon did disappoint me. It left out some major plot points from the book, and changed the story so that hardcore book fans will be disappointed. But then, you need to cut a lot to fit a 768 page long story into a decent-sized film.



But, when you review that film, you are expected to note that the film is based on a book. Of course, the book is a homage to a lot of big stories like Star Wars, LoTR etc.



Now, I am not sure which version of the movie has reached India and I am pretty sure the reviewer has never heard of the book.





This might explain some misleading statements in the review:

1. When Eragon finds the "egg", everybody assumes it is a stone till it hatches. You cannot make omlette out of a stone can you? (Of course, even the movie mentions it is a stone)



2. Saphira insisting that Eragon be her "rider" sounds like an overture? Dragons only hatch for their destined "riders", sometimes waiting for centuries. This explains that there are no dragon riders for many years, since the dragons did not want to hatch for anybody under Galbatorix's command. (Again, movie does mention this)



3. The answers to "pertinent questions" the reviewer asks for are in the book. Of course, the movie almost passes over Eragon's magical training by Brom, and the history is cut for most of the part for fitting the story to the film length, but there are details enough in the movie to give some answers.



4. The “great inevitable battle” is not the last one. It is just the first large scale battle Eragon and Saphira are part of, and in no way is purported to be the last. (Eldest has an even bigger and important battle at the end). And given Galbatorix's history, it is expected that he does not pit himself against an unknown Rider. (Yes, the battle scenes fail to impress after "Return of The King", but that was a classic)



5. I was sorry to see Murthagh's story cut. He is one of the most compelling characters in the books. (Kind of like Snape in Harry Potter. He is good, he is bad, he is good...). Ditto for Ajihad, the Varden leader (though he is definitely good).



6. Galbatorix does not "point to" a sequel. The sequel is already published, and is a phenomenon. The third book of the trilogy is on the way.

After the way the review has "crashed and burned", I am almost tempted to write a review of the film myself. Should I write it? If there are enough interested people, then write I shall, so do tell me... (The rediff review is much better, though still does not fulfill my expectations).



Also, I believe that in such case (films based on the books), the reviews of the film should fill in the gaps in the film by mentioning the details from the book (or saying that film does not include...). What do you think?



Find a (admittedly incomplete) review of the first two books of "Inheritance Trilogy" here.

The Fount of Knowledge Part III

An excerpt from my upcoming book, "Fleiger and The Art of Computer Maintenance". This chapter shows how maintenance your computer is necessary to your public (or rather, web) image.

So, you have got yourself a new computer, a new blog, registered on a public forum and are ready to make an impact in today's world of Web 2.0? But keep in mind that as with any other profession/hobby, the tools of the trade must be top-notch if you want to impress other or simply get the maximum profit or fun out of the activity. Towards that end, keeping your computer spic and span is the most important thing you will do in your web experience.

Let's start with the keyboard, your "mouthpiece" on the web. As you have heard the importance of "oral hygiene" many times, I think it should not come as a surprise that I am going to talk about keeping your keys clean...

1. Caps Lock: A quite big key (mostly) placed on the left hand side, near the alphabet "A". All this makes it the key which is most likely to get stuck (how many times have you found out that you are typing something which involves "A", and find suddenly that everything you type is coming up in upper-case?). But remember, when somebody sees you comment/write something all in upper-case, they are going to be as impressed as when you stand on a podium with a large green spinach leaf in your front teeth.


2. Shift: The key below "Caps Lock", so it is often the one key which is most ignored. The key makes it possible to insert punctuation marks (see below) and make "selected" letters upper-case (key word being "selected"). This makes this key one of the most important to be used for the correct and grammatical writing. Now I am not the first person to talk about the importance of grammar, and I will not be the last. Well, just think of the difference between "he" and "He" (Hint: the same as calling the President of a company clerk).


3. Punctuation Keys: These keys (including full stop, comma, exclamation mark etc.) are spread throughout the keyboard, which makes it very hard to use if you want to type something quickly (and some of these need Shift key, making it doubly hard). But of course, as I said before, they make it easier for others to understand what you are saying, don't they? So, as much as I like the convenience of fast writing (smsese, as I have heard some people call it), doesn't somebody saying, "paneermutteraloomuttergobimutter" make you long for a menu card which tells you, "Paneer Mutter, Aloo Mutter, Gobi Mutter"?

Of course, Shift and Punctuation keys are also prone to get stuck with overuse, so it is also important to clean the keys as much as it is to use it.

Next chapter: "Grammar and Spelling: When It Is OK to Ignore Them?"

Know anything I have missed? Want me to include any more chapters/parts in the chapter? Any comments on this chapter (or any mistakes I have made)?

The book will be published as soon as my keyboard stops putting ellipsis in place of every other full-stop (which is making the book trifle long than my publishers want to pay for)...

Blacklisted Part II

Now let me clear one thing once and for all: I loved the movie "Lage Raho Munnabhai". Given the track record of sequels in Bollywood (OK, I didn't say "Dhoom 2", did I?), the movie sets a precedent, which I hope will continue.

Still, I am putting the word "Gandhigiri" on my blacklist, for the sheer misuse the word is being put to. Though there are proper and dignified words like "Gandhian Philosophy" which fit here, I would have made my peace even if the piece used the word "Gandhism". I mean, the fact that the word was used by Munna"bhai" and his gang should signal that it should not be used for reporting the news like this, shouldn't it?

And I do hope something nice comes out of the project...



- For I am The Great Eagle...

P.S. Previous words on Blacklist: Any word which portrays pairs into one word.

Countdown to 14th Part I

14th Feb is here, and I shall let you in on a secret... there are some sparks flying around here.

I shall let you in on another secret too... those two lines don't have any connection whatsoever with each other.

But seriously, how I miss the long past days when I could touch any metal surface with immunity. I am really looking forward to the days when the first thing I do after reaching library is something else than recoiling from the cupboard like I had an electric shock (on second thoughts, forget the "like" and put in "because"). This static electricity thing is bugging me so much, that I literally crackle when I move. I am normally carrying enough electricity on my body to (take your pick) a)power our whole house for a day or b)blow all fuses for the whole apartment building or c)bring the statue of Tesla in our library to life by touching it (and ain't that fitting). I have seen enough sparks flying through my fingers in last few days (literally... they are blue in color), that if we were using the aforem. expression, then we would be hard pressed to find a "single" organism on any planet in solar system.

I can really empathize with Zeus, Thor, Indra and other assorted beings. They have much larger voltages to contend with...



- For I am The Great Eagle...



P.S. For all people whose curiosity I have raised, I have a mid-term scheduled for 14th. There... that takes care of all my plans for the day.

Spelling Boos

A flag on 15th Aug 1947 saw to it that I do not need to declare a war on English Queen. That does not mean that I have a war on with Queen's English, but there are some skirmishes between us once in a while (and don't think that the irony that I am posting this in English has escaped me.)

The first time we crossed swords was one morning in my 10th std when I realised that I cannot spell the word "beautiful" correctly any more. Now, those were the days we used to write using a paper and pen, and spell-checker meant our teacher (or my mom). After seeing many bleeding (red) wounds on my paper due to the misspelled word, I made a habit of saying "B-E-A-utiful" every time I have to write that word. A strategy which is yet to fail... and the battle was behind me.

The latest one in the line is "apparently". Now, I had a fleeting notion that "E" is the most prolific letter (and of course, vowel) in English language. Apparently, this word goes against the rules. And the only strategy I can come up with to win this battle is to think that the word is not English at all, but an alien from some South Indian state.

And for all those who think I am raving, I know the word does not contain enough "H"s to qualify as a South Indian word. But can anybody really tell me that the word which is made up of "Appa" and "Rently" (maybe pronounced as "Rentle" with a drawn out "e") does not remind them of something they heard while eating idli-sambhar or rice bath (don't even ask)?

Yes, I am pretty much sure I have this battle in bag.



P.S. While we are on the subject, can I please ask all of the readers to sign a petition asking all our Bollywood people to stop misspelling names in the name of numerology? I have enough battles on my own without adding "Bigg/Big" and "Preiti/Priti" to them.



- For I am The Great Eagle...

Alloo News?

Many people have recommended The Onion for good entertainment. After reading one or two news there, I agree. I am waiting for somebody to start a similar website for Indian news (though I think "Alloo News" might score above "Pyaaj News" for the name), or at least I was till recently.

But reading some recent news, I think we don't need false news for entertainment, we have the normal news which are more than adequate for that. While we have school boards which are thinking of making students hug each other to reduce stress (and I still think they are just a step away from educational miracles), on the other hand toddlers are being accused of rape of a 20-year old woman. We still have cases in courts against Orkut for allowing some "I hate..." communities (I seriously think this is better way than dragging Orkut in court).

And if that is not enough, now we have cases being filed in courts against actors for kiss they share in a movie. What I do not understand that why the suit against actors, when it's the director (and writer) who decide what they do. And furthermore, I can understand why some people might think a kiss is obscene, but how it is "intended to insult the modesty of a woman" (article 509 of Indian Penal Code)?

And before you ask, yes, apperently B family is supposed to have had words with their future daughter-in-law for locking lips with some third person.

I am worried now. I am asking my lawyer friend if I have committed a crime under any of these articles by suggesting my "educational miracle policy".



P.S. Any more suggestions for the Indian Onion?

I Hate This...

I am proud that I share my birthday with one of the greatest persons India has produced, who rose despite tremendous barriers in his path to become the Chairman of the committee which wrote Indian Constitution. (and I am aware that I have given away my birth date for one and all who know their civics)

But I am not proud of being Indian today if it means that some towns across India are burning because some antisocial elements did what they do best.

I am not sure whether this is one more argument against raising statues at every corner of India, or one more example of how politics is (is that correct grammar?) crazy, that the Deccan Queen burns when there is some problem in Kanpur. Have I been out of India for so long that Deccan Queen now takes a detour through Kanpur? And if it does, how can we call it "Deccan" Queen when it goes north?

Someone Pinch Me...

Taking Munnabhai's prescription seriously, the state education board has made it mandatory for government school students to begin their day with a "jaadu ki jhappi" for keeping stress at bay.

Please tell me this is not an Onion news item. I hope it is not. I am sure a good hug is the only solution to relieving the stress induced in schools. I mean, too much weight in the sac? Hug your friend. Got an exam coming up which "decides your future"? Hug your study group. It's so easy, I wonder why nobody thought of it before Munnabhai. But then, nobody thought of "Gandhigiri" before him. Now I know why education system in US or Europe is such highly appreciated. I mean, you can see hugging couples everywhere you go (even kissing).

I was going to suggest that this measure be included in colleges too, (I am sure it will work wonders in colleges, least of which is increasing the attendance in colleges), when I read this line

And to ensure that a hug doesn't lead to any problems, the board has also recommended that hugs will be exchanged only between same genders.

That line puts a huge damper on my plans for educational reforms in India.

(Better) Halfs???

Frankly, the word "Brangelina" reminds me more of Brandywine river than a celebrity couple. And now, we have one more in the line, "Abhiwariya". I am pretty sure that is as much a word as "Brangelina", which means I am pretty much sure that is not a word in any language known in this universe (I am not so sure about multiverse though). Did anybody remember newspaper headlines for "Amijaya" or "Dharmamalini"? I strongly doubt (but I think it looks even more stupid if the latter name is one or two syllables only).

Also, if we follow standard procedures of marriage, shouldn't it be "Aishshek" (or Aishek)? I mean, normally the bride takes the name of her husband, right? It does not happen other way round, right?

Which leads me to think that this might be a ploy of feminists to reverse the norms in order to gain "equality". If that is so, I implore those who came up with the idea to please consider how stupid it looks, and to focus on some other aspect of life to gain their ends.

Grrr...

The days keep getting brighter. So, here is second in line of things which keep me saying "Grrr..." (in words of one of my friends)

1. I never knew Mahabharata happened less than 300 years ago. At least, that's what my calculations say, because apparently, Srikrishna was two and half year old 300 years ago.


2. I always thought James Bond was a Commander in Royal Navy. What I didn't know that he was an MBA with specialization in IT. Did the term IT even exist when Ian Fleming wrote Bond?

And finally, one thing which came closest to making me smile today. The 4th topmost search query for this blog is "Ghostess"...

Random Things...

1. Yahoo mail has feature which is very similar to Outlook. So, sometimes when you are dragging a mail to trash can, it opens in the preview window. So, I am dragging the mail with subject "Someone sexy wants to meet you". The content is one hyperlinked word, "Follow". My first thought is would have made a good topic for Spamming 201 course. Second thought is, why should I follow someone who wants to meet me, however sexy she is?
2. If I had money, I would have published this book. A definite best-seller if I am a judge...
   
3. Rediff has a poll as usual out which asks,"Who would you like to see out of Bigg Boss?" My answer... the "g" at the end of Big. What is that thing doing there? Sounds like mutated gene or something...
4. Indiatimes says that two actresses have "psychotic characters" in common. The similarities don't end there, one of them kills 10 people in the movie, the other has the hero assaying the same number of characters with her as villain. Am I stupid today or does that thing not make any kind of sense?
5. Rediff wants us to click photographs with cricket/sports personalities. When cricket become not a sport?

Am I cranky today? Did I wake up on wrong side of the bed? Didn't I get my early morning coffee today? Maybe...
Also, Blogger Dashboard took about 15 minutes to open. Go figure...

Tips To New Spammers

Recently, there has been a lot of new spam mails in my GMail account, which has forced me to think of what a great way of getting money/commission or whatever spammers (which apparently is not a word) get out of people. So, I am thinking of starting a new School for Spammers (since we all know what a profitable business schools are). And as regular readers (OK, readers) of my blog, I think you all deserve a sneak peak at our syllabus...

So, Spamming 101: Tips for New Spammers, which were gleaned after an in depth study of spam mails of today's era (the italics are commentary over the slides):

• Check the name of the person you are sending mails to, and send mails to him in every name except his (I have been getting at least 4-5 mails every day, which has my name correct, and every surname except mine, though my surname is in my mail id)


• Check the region the user has mail id in (like yahoo.co.in etc) and send him mail in languages he is least likely to know (I mean, mails in Chinese? Are you kidding me?)


• Make extreme claims which even the stupidest person will not believe(Slightly, adult stuff here, but break logs? Is there any person who can believe that?)


• Tell people that stocks nobody has ever heard of are going to be "next thing"(I am no stock market whiz, but the names they give, I would invest in Enron after the news came out)


• Last but not the least, spelling is the last thing you should concentrate on(If there is even one 2 syllable word which is not misspelled...)

So,any takers for the course?

So Much Negativity...

How do you know you have "arrived" on blog-scene? The conventional way is when your stat-counter ticks like clock, and/or you break into first 1000 in Blogstreet or other directories...
On the other hand, more than usually, you know it when (at least for female bloggers), you start getting spam comments (you know the kind I mean) on your blog.

Similarly, how do you know you are making some difference on wikipedia? Conventional way is when you get "barnstars" and/or pats on the back by administrators and fellow contributors.
On the other hand, more often than not, your contribution reflects in the number of time your user page is vandalised.

Is it just me, or is the whole world giving out negative vibes?

Yes, you guessed right, my user page on wikipedia was vandalised for the first time today.

Weird Day for My Blog

Today was a crazy day for my blog. Bored at work, I decided to make some invisible changes to my blog(s). Unfortunately, I hadn't counted on the PC account having no administrative privileges and no pop ups allowed. Worst of all, there was no Firefox installed, so I had to work on IE.

So, there I was, jumping between 3-4 IE windows at a time (since no pop up links anywhere work), trying to cope with IE's habit of jumping to wrong window at wrong time and putting all the text you enter directly to address bar. Believe me, it is not good for your BP to enter some complicated thing in (you think) a text box, and on hitting enter, come face to face with 404 page or some weird sites with weirdest URLs.

All in all, the effect was à la the headless chicken getting in the way of the bull in china shop...

Luckily, being a software engineer, I had taken a backup of my template(s), and so, I am glad to see that everything is back in line now, with the changes which I finally succeeded in making having caused no major problems.

Living on the cutting edge of technology causes some nasty cuts ;)