Un-balanced movies

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That’s some scary cemetery symmetry in there.

PJ = Paper Joke

It helps to have equally crazy friends when you are in mood for a good PJ:

Me: oh, btw, our chinese clients gave us some papercuts as gifts

Friend: HA. sucker

Me: sucker? why?

Friend: papercut?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paper_cut

Me: yeah ;) and they are very red too :D

 

Luckily for me, I don't have to go through any documentation, otherwise...

The Actor or The Snack...

...which one do you think came first?

Perhaps this explains why I heard some ladies talking about Om Puri(/di?) being tasty recently (and they were not so old either). Phew!

Spelling Boos

A flag on 15th Aug 1947 saw to it that I do not need to declare a war on English Queen. That does not mean that I have a war on with Queen's English, but there are some skirmishes between us once in a while (and don't think that the irony that I am posting this in English has escaped me.)

The first time we crossed swords was one morning in my 10th std when I realised that I cannot spell the word "beautiful" correctly any more. Now, those were the days we used to write using a paper and pen, and spell-checker meant our teacher (or my mom). After seeing many bleeding (red) wounds on my paper due to the misspelled word, I made a habit of saying "B-E-A-utiful" every time I have to write that word. A strategy which is yet to fail... and the battle was behind me.

The latest one in the line is "apparently". Now, I had a fleeting notion that "E" is the most prolific letter (and of course, vowel) in English language. Apparently, this word goes against the rules. And the only strategy I can come up with to win this battle is to think that the word is not English at all, but an alien from some South Indian state.

And for all those who think I am raving, I know the word does not contain enough "H"s to qualify as a South Indian word. But can anybody really tell me that the word which is made up of "Appa" and "Rently" (maybe pronounced as "Rentle" with a drawn out "e") does not remind them of something they heard while eating idli-sambhar or rice bath (don't even ask)?

Yes, I am pretty much sure I have this battle in bag.



P.S. While we are on the subject, can I please ask all of the readers to sign a petition asking all our Bollywood people to stop misspelling names in the name of numerology? I have enough battles on my own without adding "Bigg/Big" and "Preiti/Priti" to them.



- For I am The Great Eagle...

Finally, A Definite Answer

Why I am still single is a question many people have asked me over last few years, including my close friends (when they are not saying, "now that's why you don't have a girlfriend")

Today, while proctoring an exam for the class, I saw a girl who also seem to be fed up with the question, and gave a fitting reply to everybody using her t-shirt. So, by her permission (OK, I called TA privilege), I give the answer to the question why I am still single:

The odds are good,
But the goods are odd

P.S. Apparently this answer can be given by any person in any engineering college, in any country...*



*conditions apply

Something To Make You Think...

Biology labs are really interesting... and I am not talking about putting some hot seniors in a room, with covered windows, and switching off the lights. Well, we were testing the rate of photosynthesis, you know (you dirty minds, what did you think)...

Anyways, something our TA said brings me to the second in line in my attempt to post on some serious, hard-hitting questions which are puzzling the greatest minds in the universe (to wit, mine)...

Why do we say, "first things first"? I mean, it goes without saying that first things will be, err... first by definitions. Or else, we would have called them second things or third things or so on.

And while we are on the subject, why do we say "it goes without saying"? Haven't we "said" it already, thus making it self-contradictory?

I tell you, this English language is...



OK, if you think I am being weird, try getting exactly 1:00:00 on the 1/100th second stopwatch... Now try getting it twice in a row, and tell me how you feel.

News?

Main Entry: news
Pronunciation: 'nüz, 'nyüz
Function: noun plural but singular in construction
Usage: often attributive
1 a : a report of recent events b : previously unknown information (I've got news for you) c : something having a specified influence or effect (the rain was good news for lawns and gardens -- Garrison Keillor) (the virus was bad news)
2 a : material reported in a newspaper or news periodical or on a newscast b : matter that is newsworthy


So, when I read that "APJ Abdul Kalam, the country's top missile guru who rose to become President, was caned for being a naughty boy in school" as a news on ToI "News" page, my first thought was he visited some school, and was caught spraying ink on a teacher's back. Those were the days when we... oh, back to the point...

My second thought was that, this was definitely 1b and 2a, maybe a bit of 1c (it was a funny news for me), but definitely not 1a and 2b in Merriam Webster's definition of the word "news", as given above.

Now that we are on ToI, let's move to "Movies" page. There, you will find a piece called, "Upen is Akshay Kumar" Don't ask who is Upen, as that is beside the point here. The first line of the article reads, "No, Akshay Kumar is not going around impersonating a younger Upen Patel." Doesn't that sound a bit (completely) opposite to what the headline would suggest?

And then, let's go over to Rediff... which reports the PM, "We'll test Pakistan after giving terror evidence: PM" Nothing wrong at all in that, but am I the only one here who has visions of Pakistan (in guise of Gen. Musharraf) standing as a nervous, sweating schoolboy in front of our PM (who is wearing the typical school teacher dress, cane in hand) asking him to recite, err... evidence (or something like that) or he will give him a fatal beating?

Marathi-Italy Bhai Bhai

There always has been a hypothesis that Marathis and Italians are connected genetically and linguistically. It dates back to the time when our ancestors realised that "Italy" seems to be derived from the word Vitthal (or Ittal colloquially) which is the name of a major god in marathi. Also, in recent times, there has been some research showing that driving habits of Italians and people in heartland of Marathi (Pune) are very similar.

But now, in a lucid moment when I woke up in the dawn yesterday, I have found an irrefutable proof that converts the hypothesis into theory. To wit:

• In marathi, the exclamation "Baap Re!" is commonly used one (The word baap means father in marathi.)


• The most common Italian expression we hear is "mamma mia". Now, consider the fact that mamma in Italian is "mother" (and also that kids worldwide are calling their mothers mamma now-a-days). Also, add to this that "mian" in hindi means "husband". So, the expression means, "Mother's Husband".... same as "Oh father!"

Eureka, amici!!!


Update:
Thanks to Iyer Education, we found a phenomenon not explained by our theory. On thinking about it, we have updated the theory...
Italians are maternal cousins with Marathis and paternal cousins with Sindhis. So, they share the name endings with parsis (though most common marathi name is Kulkarni, it is pronounced with "Ni", not "ni").
But, Italian is their mother-tongue after all, which supports the theory.

I guess we have plugged all holes in this theory now... Grazie, amico!!!