Back Online...

A lot of things have happened in last few days:

• Laden was found killing people in Asam (yes, in India), and was (allegedly) put to death. In true serial killer fashion, there is still some debate as to whether it was he who was really killed. Conspiracy theories abound as usual.


• My exams are over, and I am on break till 10th Jan. (This explains my sudden disappearance for last few days)


• I didn't get a girlfriend, but I got a haircut.


• Apperently, I am third worst driver on the (normal) street. Now I know whom to call on to schauffer me around when I get to Pune.


• Last but not the least, I am named "Time Person of the Year". I take that as a singular, not plural, so let me enjoy before life brings me back on ground.

Random Things IV

• When we were in 12th std, we attended mathematics class at 8.30 pm. It was the last batch of the day, for one of the best teachers we have ever had. He taught us many things, not least of which was how to have fun while learning. That's why this video was a blast from the plast.
  
  The only problem in this video is that there are no students in front of him to recant the formula in usual singsong, or to call "jatana bhetun ja" ("meet me before you leave", when somebody got any problem wrong), so his style is bit cramped. But, whatever happens, Namya rules, and so does E3 (that's our batch)!!!


• I need a girlfriend, some might say desperately.


• I won't be surprised if my friends in Vegas (some lucky people are there for project) hear "Pehchan kaun?" when entering some club there, since I read this headline.

Post Mortal

PuLa in his memorable essay entitled "तुम्हाला कोण व्हायचे आहे, मुंबईकर, पुणेकर का नागपूरकर?" or "Who you want to be? Mumbaikar, Punekar or Nagpurkar?" said that the life's aim of every Punekar is to "be recognised" after he retires. But, today's generation of Punekar does not have such small ambitions. We don't think that gaining fame in the life after retirement should be The Aim of one's life.

I mean, supposing a person retires at the age of 55 (if retirement age is not there, it will be when it's our time), and assuming a normal life expectancy of 90 years, we are looking at 35 years of fame. 36, if you are really good. That's not even a lifetime. So, we should be looking beyond just these 35 years. We should be looking at our "life" after death. That's when the fame counts. Like they say, very few great persons are "recognised" in their lifetime.

Keeping that in mind, today I found a great barrier in the efforts of my future biographers. Every great person seems to have written a lot of letters in his life, and books containing his letters to his parents, wife(/wives), children, friends, enemies (the list goes on) and the commentary on those letters are always bestsellers (among the historians and suchlike). But, my innate laziness and the advent of internet has resulted in the letters written by me being very limited in number. And the ones I have written, when edited will not even fill one good-sized book.

When I realised that, I felt like I am not doing enough for my future biographers when they will start writing their thesis on The Great ... me (I have yet to decide what Great ... I will be), and given my nature, it is very difficult that the condition will change in foreseeable future. This would greatly inconvenience them, and probably make them turn away to a better "lettered" subject.

But then I hit on the solution. The envelope left with my attorney (to be opened after my death), along with the post to be put on my blogs, will also contain the passwords to all my e-mail accounts. I will also leave instructions to clean the accounts of spam mails at regular intervals, to further convenience others after me. I also realised that this will also give me great advantage when compared to other, similarly lazy, internet-crazy people of my generation.




S.P. (i.e. small print): This idea, as all my other ideas is copyrighted. All disputes should be contested in the court of God.

Spoofs?

"One Ring To Rule Them All, One Ring To Find Them,
One Ring To Bring Them All and In The Darkness Bind Them..."

My friend heard his wife and her friends say this yesterday. Later, she asked her since when they were interested in LoTR so much. She looked confused, and told him that they were discussing about wedding rings and husbands.

I have been thinking about that since morning. It started with why I haven't tried spoofs yet (which is not true, I have written a spoof story). Then, I thought I should do some spoofs, like LoTR or Harry Potter (Sherlock Holmes was discarded on count of being my role model). Then I thought of this joke. And more I think of it, less funny it gets.

Now I know how spoofs (and jokes) can tank. So, I am reserving my judgement on this:

Epic Movie Trailer

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It can be good, or it can be hilariously bad. Some parts of Scary Movie series were pretty good, though.


P.S. Remember Monica's worst Thanksgiving? I almost enacted that scene all by myself. All in all, not a good day for me, though my toe just missed beheading (denailing?) by an inch.

Alloo News?

Many people have recommended The Onion for good entertainment. After reading one or two news there, I agree. I am waiting for somebody to start a similar website for Indian news (though I think "Alloo News" might score above "Pyaaj News" for the name), or at least I was till recently.

But reading some recent news, I think we don't need false news for entertainment, we have the normal news which are more than adequate for that. While we have school boards which are thinking of making students hug each other to reduce stress (and I still think they are just a step away from educational miracles), on the other hand toddlers are being accused of rape of a 20-year old woman. We still have cases in courts against Orkut for allowing some "I hate..." communities (I seriously think this is better way than dragging Orkut in court).

And if that is not enough, now we have cases being filed in courts against actors for kiss they share in a movie. What I do not understand that why the suit against actors, when it's the director (and writer) who decide what they do. And furthermore, I can understand why some people might think a kiss is obscene, but how it is "intended to insult the modesty of a woman" (article 509 of Indian Penal Code)?

And before you ask, yes, apperently B family is supposed to have had words with their future daughter-in-law for locking lips with some third person.

I am worried now. I am asking my lawyer friend if I have committed a crime under any of these articles by suggesting my "educational miracle policy".



P.S. Any more suggestions for the Indian Onion?