Putting 2 Plus 2 Together

Where ze 2^un:

et 2 ^deux :

 

Et voilà... Christmas time!!!

 

PJ = Paper Joke

It helps to have equally crazy friends when you are in mood for a good PJ:

Me: oh, btw, our chinese clients gave us some papercuts as gifts

Friend: HA. sucker

Me: sucker? why?

Friend: papercut?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paper_cut

Me: yeah ;) and they are very red too :D

 

Luckily for me, I don't have to go through any documentation, otherwise...

That's all I have to say

The only thing I am thankful for this weekend is that all my friends and cousins are safe in Mumbai. And I agree it is unbelievably selfish to feel that way, but I am numb to think or say anything beyond that.

But if I had anything to say, here's what I would have said:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Mumbai Tragedy

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

word for word.

 

 

P.S. The soundtrack is completely PG-18.

That's so not what I meant

I know I spend at least one day in a fortnight with my cellphone completely discharged because I forgot my charger at home (or office).

I know I cried "unfair" about this invention (and the follow up).

But I definitely didn't mean somebody to balance the scales in this way.

Japanese inventors: For future reference, I quote from my first post:

Not that I have any problem with the clothing-related restrictions this innovation might entail.

And I don't have any problem with any unfair advantages "others" may have, especially in this area.

And the Whoops Award for Nov '08 goes to...

Australians again continue to dominate the nominee list for Whoops Awards. In fact, no other nominee comes close to this month's winner:

 

"Teams that are outclassed in five-day matches and even 50-over games are much more competitive in Twenty20."

- Ricky Ponting, Captain's Diary 2008

 

India-Australia match record in 2008:

Format	India Won	Aus Won	No Result/Drawn	Total
Tests	3	1	3	7
ODIs	3	2	1	6
T20I	0	1	0	1

 

Can anybody beat that?

Quote taken from Indian Express.

Bang and Splat

I don't know if it is a play of light or they actually wanted it this way, but this is perhaps the best "visualization" of bullet exit and blood splatter I have ever seen:

*Screenshot from Numb3rs

Horn OK Please

I have talked about the new Aamir Khan hairstyle previously on this blog, but that was before I saw this photo:


I am a bit confused about why the writing:

1. Aamir has so buffed up for the role, that he needs a license to go out on the road. And given the "messages" and mobile number etc. on his body, he seems to be registered (and decorated) as a truck. (Did you think he would go for such standard messages as "buri nazar waale tera mooh kala"?)


2. He recently emerged from a crash with a truck, which his muscles helped him survive. Jerry would agree with me:
   
   

A new challenge for hackers

Presenting, the latest technology to stymie the best of hackers. A screenshot of what I saw when I opened the Google Reader login page:

Try cracking that...

Oops Award Nominees

And, nominees for this week's Whoops Award are:

• Adam Gilchrist: For mentioning in his autobiography how Australians leave hostilities on the field. He then went on to call Sachin Tendulkar dishonest and a sour loser.


• Lalu Prasad Yadav: For threatening to suspend train movement in states where rail passengers and properties are repeatedly attacked, in light of fatal attack on an UP youth in Mumbai local.

The panel is leaning towards awarding both the nominees. Got any favourites?

Update: And, Gilli is going all out to win the award.

What's the magic word?

The cricketing world knows Australians for being to the point and honest to a fault. And being True Gentlemen, they don't shy away from apologizing even if it is not their mistake. Case in point:

Gilchrist called up Sachin Tendulkar today, and has reportedly apologised saying, 'Sorry'.

See, no wasted words, no flowery language. Short, pithy and to the point. And what brought about this heart-felt apology?

Gilchrist had called Sachin Tendulkar, names like a "liar", "dishonest", "a sore loser" and a "bad sport" in his soon-to-be published autobiography "True Colors of My Life", over the Harbhajan-Symonds controversy.

Man, he is not shying away from showing his true colors, is he now? What was that about "Australians leaving it all on the field", again?

I think he will add that as an appendix to the second edition of his book. Or maybe, there will be two editions of the book (like they have alternate endings for some movies and games), one with the apology and one with the original content. That right there is how you double your book-sales (which are already going to be doubled after this, so it's really 4 times the original).

And I can truly believe Gilchrist called Sachin and "asked for an apology" as the ToI article mentions in the last para. I mean, look at the nerve of the man, not confirming to how Gilchrist saw him from behind the stumps.

P.S. If that was too biased against Gilchrist, "Sorry".

The Brave and The Hearts

Q. Imagine you are investigating a murder, and come across an object with suspicious hole in it, with gunpowder sticking to the edges. What is first thing you, as a CID officer, will do (and the last thing a normal person will do)?
A. Well, those of us who are trained to stare down the barrel without blinking don't need to think about the answer:

Q. When do you know that economy downturn is affecting you?
A. When you ask for a new interrogation room, and then you find yourself hearing to a criminal confess in a crowded restaurant.

Q. Why shouldn't people fall in love?
A. They are tempted to do this, and this:

For Every Action...

The Swiss, of all people, create a machine which has the potential to destroy the universe. (I think there are some unresolved issues about "Neutrality" there, but that is for another post).

In response, the Universe nudges a rock which has the potential to destroy the earth. (Reminds you of the warning shots they fire across the bows of ships, doesn't it?)

My GUT says: Astrophysics, Particle Physics... it's all Physics at the core.


Morale of the story: The Universe does not live in a glass house.

public static final int POPULATION

Yesterday, I was talking to a collegue who has just returned from a client's place. And he was telling us how it is not allowed in that particular facility for you to give birth or to die. i.e. (for some really convincing and practical reasons) they send you offsite if you are about to give birth, or are in a serious condition. Now, that was a enough to get my overactive imagination into overdrive.

Imagine the scene: A man is called into his boss' office. The boss asks him to sit down and goes:

Oh, good news for you. We are sending you offsite for some time. Nothing major, just routine thing, you know.
Oh, and before you go, collect the report of your physical from the medical office, will you?

I am pretty sure cardiac arrest is a surefire way to break one of the rules.

Oh, and for double the fun shock, imagine a young woman being called into her boss' office, followed by the upperm. conv.

Oh, Horror...

I think the new theme at CID is "Horror", with almost every episode recently involving ghost story of some kind.

And as if watching another "horror" serial on TV was not scary enough, they show us this:

How I spook myself...

Here's an e-mail I recently wrote:

Those are the phantoms. And since, phantoms, being ghosts, are not bound to a single place, these don't have any location.

They will be banished once I fix the bug.

And now, I am feeling like I am talking about Kingdom Hospital.

Sometimes, I am so good that I spook myself...

Sister To?

So, I am reading this article on "Rare combos of Bollywood", and I find myself asking a whole lot of questions.

1. How do you become veteran without having a lot of experience? Isn't "two veterans have been there since ages" slightly redundant?


2. What is "Numbero Uno"?


3. When is a film "under making" and when is it "under production"?


4. How is somebody a "sister to" a person, as against somebody's sister?

On to page 2 now...

I Love Free Thinking

Or what some people might call, a wandering mind.

So, while commenting on Amrita's post on Drona, I was stuck on how Priyanka looked like a female version of Prince Dastan (no, Farah does not dress like that). Which of course put into mind a thought that a Princess of Persia game (or a movie) starring "Piggy Chops" hopping all over the place, dropping the monsters and guards, popping the Vizier... sorry, got a bit carried away there.

What I meant was, a Princess of Persia Priyanka Chopra (a whole lot of P's there) would be a real hit.

Which of course reminded me of this howlarious video of Lara Croft and Prince of Persia:

Warning: Unless you sit in a soundproof cabin or you have mastered the art of silent laughter, DO NOT OPEN IN OFFICE.



As I said, the Princess of Persia idea is now copyrighted.



P.S. There are some great "Related Videos" over there. Especially, the PoP outtakes one is...

The Actor or The Snack...

...which one do you think came first?

Perhaps this explains why I heard some ladies talking about Om Puri(/di?) being tasty recently (and they were not so old either). Phew!

Things CID Need...

1. An interrogation room: Sitting the criminal or suspect in the office with everybody standing in a circle around him/her? Invest in some two-way mirrors.


2. A new interrogation technique: It may be possible that a "kheench ke kaan ke neeche ek" is common interrogation technique for Indian Police, but can't you think of more psychological methods (as opposed to physical ones), at least in fiction? (Can't you "get inspired by" US shows in this aspect as you do in stories?)


3. Some new gestures for ACP Pradyuman: He looks like an aspiring Kumble, trying to practise spinning a ball. (Err... some may think of some lecherous scenarios, but this is a G-rated blog.)


4. Intelligent officers: Which police officer gets angry at the medical examiner when the proof does not match his "theories"?

What exactly does Siddhu drink?

Have you ever wondered that?

I don't know if it was the "wrong logo at wrong place" thing or a censorship thing, but this is what was seen in the last episodes(s, the friday and saturday ones) of The Great Indian Laughter Challenge.

I sympathize with the editor whose job was to go through the entire episode and make sure the glass was completely fuzzed out.

He must be extremely jealous of the editor who gets a similar job after every clothing scandal.

Cue the hate comments...

First off, let me say that every Indian should celebrate Abhinav Bindra's gold medal and pat himself on back as much as we do every time Sachin breaks a record. After all, we had equal contribution in both.

And Chintoo sums up my feelings* nicely (as he has been doing for years).

But till someone explains to me what Abhinav Bindra's connection to Maharashtra is, I maintain that ET filed this news correctly under "Politics" section, and not under "Sports".

Let the comments calling me an unpatriotic regionalist begin...

Update: Pune and Pimpri-Chinchwad Municipal Coroprations join the bandwagon with Rs. 10 lakh and 5 lakh respectively. (sorry, links in marathi). Am I missing his Puneri connection? Somebody please educate me about this.



*Translation of the comic for those who don't know marathi:
Chintoo: I have decided which sport should I make my career in. I want to be like Abhinav Bindra. Of course, it will be confusing if India wins more medals. But I will like to be confused like this.

Who's Your Favourite Potter Character?

After (Harry) Potter and (Peter) Pettigrew, I think it's time for Miss Snape. Or will it be Mr. Granger next? Who are you rooting for?

The Marauders are missing a Miss Lupin and a Miss Black, too... Maybe they will get their chance.

Won a War? So what? Did you win a reality show?

Not dissing the dead, but what has Ishmeet Singh done to earn a State Funeral? Somebody please tell me that that's a mistake, because they had to make an exception even for Field Marshal Sam Manekshaw.

So Unfair

After this, this is just so unfair.

Incidentally, I think those two inventions will never go together.

And I have already copyrighted "Got a charger?" as a pick-up line.

Also, "My cellphone is little low on battery".

Here endeth my attempt at writing cheeky posts.

AB is for Ayyar B

You may have already read my comments on Chandrakanta the novel (if you haven't, there's a not-so-subtle link in there). But still I believe, ironing out the "dated" parts, any movie or TV serial can be made very interesting if it remains loyal to the storyline (which the original TV serial did not).

Why did I bring this up? A new movie from Vidhu Vinod Chopra starring Big B is coming up. But I will reserve my judgement till I see it.

Because the movie is "inspired by Chandrakanta", and not based on it (the trailer confirms it, since the novel doesn't have any direct "wars", neither does it take place in english-speaking world).

Because the last movie from VVC with Big B is "Eklavya".

And then, there's the trailer:



I rest my case...

Sabr Ka Phal...

Those who have been reading my blog for some time should probably sit down. You may need to have smelling salts (or chappals, as your taste may be) handy before you go on.

Now that you are ready, you should know that I haven't owned a copy of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" in almost a year since it came out. Till today...

And now, I am a proud owner of a Deluxe copy, with full color artwork and hard slip-cover.

Not to mention, it cost me less than a normal hardcover copy, and 80% less than normal price (paperback is due this month). Needless to say, I am as happy as anybody can be... (And a long weekend is a day away)

Two Days in a Row

Day 1:


I know, not a great photo. I have yet to get a hang of my p990i's camera.
So, I present to you, Day 2:

Can you spot the second rainbow under the roadsign?

Did you mean: ogle

Now I know why you can't spell "Google" without "ogle" ;)

Supergirl is not Indian

Supergirl (or Super-Girl) = Kara Zor-El = Kal-El's biological cousin.

If Superman romances Supergirl, that would be the main reason the film will bomb at box office.

Also, Supergirl is from Krypton, not India.

I Am Happy

It's nice when a famous Bollywood director listens to your ideas...

Rated R

Rani Mukherjee "punished" in a classroom setting for "cheating"... If you think you know where that is going (don't hide that, I know most of you know what I meant), you are mistaken.

But don't worry. She did make out up with the teacher towards the end.



P.S. While we are on the subject of "news": I am not completely knowledgeble about Marxism, but isn't "Marxist Boss" kind of oxy-moronic? (You may have to go to Rediff homepage to see the headline)

WC '11 is India's

So, here's the fool-proof strategy for India to win Cricket World Cup 2011.

Forget practise, forget camps, forget opposition research. Just put an IPL tournament before WC, and Australia is out of running. And we all know what that means...

And yes, I am ready to take on the job of strategy consultant to Indian cricket team. Now BCCI, let's discuss the compensation package, shall we?

Elementary, My Dear Watson

If you got less that 3 correct answers to this quiz on "Prince Caspian", that means you can't read.

Oh yes, quiz answers should be easily workoutable, but give us some challenge please.

Incidentally,

C S Lewis' adaptation of the children's fantasy series

I am pretty sure there is something wrong in that sentence.

Charging On The Go...

Good news: girls need not switch off their cellphones due to low battery anymore. That's one excuse, for not answering the call, out the window.

Bad news: girls need not switch off their cellphones due to low battery anymore. Which means, they can now talk non-stop.

Incidentally, will the solar panels work when covered with fabric (shirts, coats etc.)? Not that I have any problem with the clothing-related restrictions this innovation might entail. You know, kuch paane ke liye and all that...



P.S. "Got a charger?" is going to be a new addition to "Top 10 Lame Pickup Lines".

P.P.S. Patent pending for the lame pickup line.

First Step...

Parting my hair on left... check.

Now if I can only get around to getting that great idea for a company, I can get into Fortune 500.

Can anyone get dumber than this

Read this one:

...people are calling up the actor to know which team to bet on. After all, Emraan does play a bookie in the film "Jannat".

I mean, really? What next? Calling Aamir Khan to drive your taxi around?